Archive [April 1999]

“Sex is like eating. Sometimes you eat because you are hungry, sometimes you eat because you are emotional. Sometimes you have fast food, and sometimes you eat a gourmet meal. To me, what my sexuality really means is to be honored, and honored like a personality.” — MONICA LEWINSKY, QUOTED THE LONDON DAILY TELEGRAPH

Monica: put down the fork.

“My heart skipped a beat, my breathing came a little faster and there were butterflies fluttering in my tummy.” — MONICA LEWINSKY, ON AN ENCOUNTER WITH THE PRESIDENT, IN HER BOOK, MONICA’S STORY

It wasn’t “tummy” in her Grand Jury testimony.

“The President was in. My heart beat more rapidly. My stomach floated with butterflies, the kind you get when you are walking down the street and spot a girl you lost but still love a couple of blocks ahead.” — GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS, DESCRIBING A RETURN TO THE WHITE HOUSE, FOR A VISIT, IN ALL TOO HUMAN

Where’s your copy of “Leaves of Grass”?

“Maybe President Clinton and I will not necessarily hug. But we can shake hands very tightly, and that will have the same meaning.” — ZHU RONGJI, CHINA’S PREMIER, PREDICTING AN “ANTI-CHINA WAVE” IN WASHINGTON DURING HIS VISIT, AP

Close, but no cigar.

“If there was espionage against the United States, I will be very upset about it.” — BILL CLINTON, WHITE HOUSE PRESS COHERENCE, QUOTED IN THE NEW YORK POST

When?

“To the best of my knowledge, no one has said anything to me about any espionage which occurred by the Chinese against the labs during my presidency.” — BILL CLINTON, WHITE HOUSE PRESS CONFERENCE, QUOTED IN THE HOTLINE

Depends what the meaning of “espionage” is.

“He lost his job for security violations, not for espionage.” — JOHN BROWNE, LAB DIRECTOR, LOS ALAMOS NATIONAL LABORATORY, EXPLAINING WHY COMPUTER SCIENTIST WEN HO LEE, THE LEAD SUSPECT IN AN FBI ESPIONAGE INVESTIGATION, WAS ALLOWED TO KEEP HIS JOB, AND HIS SECURITY CLEARANCE, FOR MORE THAN THREE YEARS AFTER THE INVESTIGATION BEGAN. QUOTED IN THE [SANTA FE] NEW MEXICAN

Oh.

“The next time we elect a President, I am begging you, for the love of God, will somebody please do a background check?” — DAVID LETTERMAN, AFTER JUANITA BROADDRICK’S RAPE CHARGE AGAINST BLLL CLINTON, ON CBS’S “LATE SHOW”

Some of us did.

“Information is the natural enemy of corruption.” — AL GORE, IN REMARKS OPENING A GLOBAL CONFERENCE ON CORRUPTION, AP

Exactly why I’m here, sir.

“What I hope is that she will be permitted to go on with her life.” — BILL CLINTON, ON MONICA LEWINSKY, QUOTED IN THE LOS ANGELES TIMES

Who’s stopping her?

“I think she needs to be strung up by her toes, actually.” — BARBARA LEWINSKY, MONICA’S STEPMOTHER, ON LINDA TRIPP, QUOTED IN THE LOS ANGELES TIMES

Why, did she rape somebody?

“If this isn’t contrition I don’t know what is.” — BILL CLINTON, DURING HIS STANDUP ROUTINE AT THE RADIO AND TELEVISION CORRESPONDENTS’ DINNER, IN WHICH HE JOKED ABOUT THE LOS ALAMOS LAB SECURITY BREACH, QUOTED IN THE HOTLINE

It isn’t. You don’t.

“A small, subtle, flirtatious gesture.” — MONICA LEWINSKY, TO BARBARA WALTERS, EXPLAINING WHY SHE LIFTED HER SKIRT IN THE WHITE HOUSE TO SHOW THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES HER THONG UNDERWEAR, QUOTED IN THE HOTLINE

True romance.

“I wonder if it wasn’t more a situation of mixed signals than of actual quote unquote rape.” — MONICA LEWINSKY, TELLING AUSTRALIAN BROADCASTING CORPORATION RADIO SHE WAS DISTURBED THE WORD “RAPE” HAD BEEN USED BY JUANITA BROADDRICK, QUOTED IN THE HOTLINE

Right. Must have been one of those small, subtle, flirtatious gestures.

I really don’t think that it’s of the magnitude that is going to get us off the agenda.” — SEN. TOM DASCHLE (D, SD), ON JUANITA BROADDRICK’S RAPE CHARGE AGAINST BILL CLINTON, ON MSNBC’S “THE NEWS”

I guess rape doesn’t rise to the level of an agenda-changing offense.

“I find it very difficult to see why anyone would be a Republican. They’re so callous and bigoted and insensitive to both race and gender.” — LARRY FLYNT, PUBLISHER OF HUSTLER, INTERVIEWED BY THE ONLINE MAGAZINE SALON

From the gender-sensitive photographer.

“I was coming to work … in the predawn darkness, and it reminded me of the old days when I was doing the ‘Today’ show, because I saw the homeless people in the church shelters and the park benches … You feel great sympathy for them. But you also envy the extra hour of sleep that they’re getting … You go by and say, ‘If I were them, I would still be sleeping.’” — TOM BROKAW, ON THE “TODAY” SHOW, FILLING IN FOR MATT LAUER, QUOTED IN THE NEW YORK POST

How callous and bigoted and insensitive.

“Tom is the most sensitive guy in the world … The last people that he’d want to insult would be those who aren’t as fortunate.” — JEFF ZUCKER, “TODAY” SHOW EXECUTIVE PRODUCER, ON BROKAW’S FAUX PAS AFTER NBC’S SWITCHBOARD WAS “OVERWHELMED WITH COMPLAINTS.” QUOTED IN THE NEW YORK POST

So we see.

“If she were to be elected, it would be disastrous for the women’s movement. She’s our Clarence Thomas.” — GLORIA STEINEM, FEMINIST, ON ELIZABETH DOLE, QUOTED IN THE DETROIT NEWS

And the downside?

“I don’t have to deal with a sleazy, slimy subject … You all ought to be ashamed of yourselves … There is no reason that any fair-minded person should pay attention to this story.” — LANNY DAVIS, FORMER WHITE HOUSE ADVISOR ON JUANITA BROADDRICK’S RAPE CHARGE ON MSNBCS “HOCKENBERRY”

You have to deal with a sleazy, slimy subject — as long as you defend Clinton.

“I think that the worst crime, maybe even worse almost than the rape, if it were true, is for somebody to sit there with this dirty glob hanging it over somebody’s head for 21 years, deciding when they were going to pull the bottom out of the sack of dirty glob and let it fall on the head of the President… Let us not slumber for 21 years and then weep about it on public television.” — GERRY SPENCE, ATTORNEY, ON JUANITA BROADDRICK’S RAPE CHARGE AGAINST BILL CLINTON, ON CNBC’S “RIVERA LIVE”

When you have that many sacks of dirty globs hanging over your head, don’t be surprised when someone pulls the bottom out of one.

“This year’s really been a bitch.” — PAUL BEGALA, CLINTON ADVISOR, ANNOUNCING HIS DEPARTURE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE TO TEACH AT GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY, MSNBC

Thought the operative term was “bimbo.”

“It simply caused me to ruminate on the comparative advantages of monarchy.” — DAVID KENDALL, CLINTON ATTORNEY, ON THE MONICA LEWINSKY STORY, QUOTED IN THE WASHINGTON POST

You’re not the only one ruminating.

“Actually, I sort of like ‘I’m Never Going To Say Goodbye,’ better.” — BILL CLINTON, AFTER GLORIA GAYNOR SANG ‘I WILL SURVIVE’ AT A DEMOCRAT FUNDRAISER, THE NIGHT OF BARBARA WALTERS’ LEWINSKY INTERVIEW, REUTERS

How about Hillary?

“Short of stoning him, what is it that people want to do?” — SUSAN FALUDI, FEMINIST, ON JUANITA BROADDRICK’S CHARGES, IN THE NEW YORK OBSERVER

Hmmm. Find out the truth?

“We all took an oath and I think we intend to follow it.” — BILL CLINTON, IN HIS FIRST POST-IMPEACHMENT MEETING WITH CONGRESSIONAL LEADERS, WHEN ASKED WHETHER THE PARTIES WOULD COOPERATE, QUOTED IN THE WALL STREET JOURNAL

Why start now?

“Clinton is like Mike Tyson. He’s good at what he does but terrible at who he is … [I]t would have been a tragedy if we’d lost him … yet… there was no question, if we went by the rule of law, he’d be out of there.” — ANDY ROONEY, ON CNN’S “LARRY KING LIVE”

A tragedy for whom?

“I think his judgment has been impeccable. He’s been a brilliant President. He’s just been a dumb guy.” — GERALDO RIVERA, ON BILL CLINTON, ON CNBC’S “RIVERA LIVE”

The liberal mind at work is a wonder to behold.