Archive [July 1999]

“Some presidential aides and friends are describing Kosovo in Churchillian tones, as Clinton’s ‘finest hour.’” — JOHN HARRIS, WHITE HOUSE REPORTER, IN FRONT-PAGE NEWS ARTICLE IN THE WASHINGTON POST

I think Churchill smoked his cigars.

“To say that marriage will solve illegitimacy, and marriage — according to the Bible and letting faith-based groups train these people — will solve the problems, to me, is an obscenity … It’s the height of arrogance.” — REP. PETE STARK, (D, CA), QUOTED IN THE WASHINGTON TIMES

Sir, marriage will solve illegitimacy … every time it’s tried.

“Just don’t lie to us.” — COKIE ROBERTS, REFERRING TO ALLEGATIONS ABOUT GEORGE W. BUSH’S WILD YOUTH, ON MSNBC

Yeah – the press won’t put up with being lied to … by Republicans.

“We have stood up for values.” — HILLARY CLINTON, AT A NEW YORK FUNDRAISER, ON KOSOVO, AP

Right. You and Larry Flynt.

“If you entrust me with the presidency, I will marshal its authority, its resources and its moral leadership to fight for America’s families … I will take my own values and faith and family to the presidency — to build an America that is not only better off, but better.” — AL GORE, ANNOUNCING HIS CANDIDACY, AP

Just as you did when America entrusted you with the vice-presidency, Mr. No Controlling Legal Authority?

“They think they’re entitled to the parking spaces outside here [in the White House] and to the office space and all. They ought to just relax and realize I’m a temporary tenant.” — BILL CLINTON, ON REPUBLICAN CRITICISM, QUOTED IN THE NEW YORK TIMES

Your meter is expired.

“Shoot him with a .44 caliber Bulldog.” — SPIKE LEE, RECENTLY HIRED AS A FILMMAKER FOR THE U.S. NAVY, WHEN ASKED WHAT SHOULD BE DONE WITH NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION PRESIDENT CHARLTON HESTON, QUOTED IN THE NEW YORK POST

I’ll add this to my bulging “liberal tolerance” file.

“If I could run again, I would.” — BILL CLINTON, ADDING THAT HE “LOOKS FAVORABLY UPON THE NOTION OF GIVING A TWO-TERM PRESIDENT ANOTHER SHOT AFTER HE OR SHE HAS BEEN OUT OF OFFICE FOR A SPELL,” QUOTED IN THE LOS ANGELES TIMES

What kind of spell?

“If you own a gun, I think you should go to prison.” – ROSIE O’DONNELL, AFTER THE LITTLETON SHOOTINGS, QUOTED IN THE SAN DIEGO UNION-TRIBUNE

If you don’t know anything about the Constitution, I think you should read it.

“The finger is on the go button … She just hasn’t decided to push it yet.” — UNNAMED “KNOWLEDGEABLE DEMOCRAT,” ON HILLARY CLINTON’S POSSIBLE NEW YORK SENATE CANDIDACY, QUOTED IN THE WASHINGTON POST

Hillary’s finger on the button — spare me!

“I think the Second Amendment is in the Constitution so we could have muskets when the British people came over in 1800.” — ROSIE O’DONNELL, ASSAILING TOM SELLECK’S VIEWS ON GUN CONTROL WHEN HE APPEARED AS A GUEST ON HER SHOW TO PLUG A MOVIE, ON NBC’S “ROSIE O’DONNELL”

Oops, wrong century. But other than that, sounds just like James Madison.

“We need a safety lock on the GOP to help protect the American people from such blatant partisanship.” — CHRIS LEHANE, GORE SPOKESPERSON, AFTER HOUSE REPUBLICANS TERMINATED GORE’S PET $32 MILLION SATELLITE PROJECT TO GIVE INTERNET USERS A CONTINUAL LIVE PICTURE OF THE EARTH, WIDELY RIDICULED AS THE “GORE SCREEN SAVER,” QUOTED IN THE BOSTON GLOBE

No, we need a safety lock on the White House pantry door.

“You’ve got to have a combination of taking it out of the defense budget and raising revenue … I’d be proud to vote for tax increases for schools. You bet I would.” — REP. DICK GEPHARDT (D, MO), ON WHERE HE WOULD GET THE MONEY FOR HIS PROPOSED EDUCATIONAL SPENDING, QUOTED IN THE PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER

I bet you would, too. Who’d be dumb enough to bet against a liberal raising taxes and cutting defense?

“I will work very hard with the Congress to protect our national security…” — BILL CLINTON, STATEMENT RESPONDING TO THE COX REPORT ON CHINESE ESPIONAGE, UPI

Good. When do you start?

“It’s another great ‘nothing’ scandal. It’s just like all these other things that come up, they turn into nothing, people go hysterical, it turns into nothing … The only thing that unites the modern Republican Party is hatred and that’s not going to carry them through elections. So they ought to just get off all this goofy scandal stuff and try to get something that could unite the country and get something done and quit hating everything and everybody because that’s all they can do.” — JAMES CARVILLE, ON THE CHINA SPY STORY, ON CNN’S “LATE EDITION”

How’s this for something that will unite the country: “Mr. Carville, shut up.”

“I’ll probably be going to meetings of the Senate spouses’ club.” — BILL CLINTON, ASKED WHAT HE’LL DO WHEN HE LEAVES OFFICE IN 2001, REUTERS

Senators: Hide your spouses!

“Christianity is not an environmentally friendly religion.” — TED TURNER, CLAIMING THAT IT ENCOURAGES OVERPOPULATION, QUOTED IN WORLD MAGAZINE

This from the guv who founded CNN – the epitome of air pollution.

“Ich bin ein Kolsch — I am a beer.” — BILL CLINTON, MAKING A TOAST IN A COLOGNE, GERMANY BEER GARDEN, ACCORDING TO A GERMAN TABLOID. THE WHITE HOUSE DENIES THAT CLINTON MADE THE REMARK. UPI

That’s a toughie — who do we believe: a tabloid or this White House?

“I have been to Elmira.” — HILLARY CLINTON, IN SPEECH, SMUGLY ANSWERING CRITICS QUESTIONING HER FAMILIARITY WITH NEW YORK STATE. THE WHITE HOUSE LATER CLARIFIED THAT MRS. CLINTON WAS IN ELMIRA “PROBABLY 40 YEARS AGO, ON A FAMILY EXCURSION BETWEEN CHICAGO AND SCRANTON.” QUOTED IN THE NEW YORK POST

Hence the pet name, Elmira Gulch.

“New York really is the Empire State and is a state that is on the cutting edge of where we’re going in the future.” — HILLARY CLINTON, ON WHY SHE CHOSE NEW YORK FOR HER POSSIBLE SENATE RUN, AP

Translation: “Finally! My Empire!”

“We will stand up for the innocents in the face of evil.” — BILL CLINTON, IN WAKE OF SERB MILITARY PULLOUT FROM KOSOVO, PLEDGING TO ACT MORE QUICKLY TO PREVENT FUTURE OUTBREAKS OF ETHNIC SLAUGHTER IN THE WORLD, AP

…and tell them to put some ice on it.

“I need this for me.” — HILLARY CLINTON, EXPLAINING TO A “PROMINENT POLITICIAN” WHY SHE WANTS A NEW YORK SENATE SEAT, QUOTED IN THE NEW YORK DAILY NEWS

What does Bill get, everything West of the Mississippi?

“It is time to bust the ghost of the Balkans past and build a new reality … It’s going to be expensive, [but it’s] our gift to the next generation.” — MADELEINE ALBRIGHT, SECRETARY OF STATE, ON REBUILDING THE BALKANS, AP

Madeleine’s Christmas in July.