“I’m trying to save the world from coronavirus.” — Nancy Pelosi, after Republicans criticized her for not condemning left-wing violence, Fox News

The world? You can’t even keep human excrement off the streets of San Francisco.

“[T]his legislation is worthy of George Kirby’s name … And so we’re very proud. We’re very proud to carry that.” — Nancy Pelosi, forgetting George Floyd’s name and instead referencing an African American entertainer who died in 1995, c-span

The only thing you and your House Democrats carry is bull excrement.

“If this country doesn’t give us what we want, then we will burn down this system and replace it. All right? And I could be speaking figuratively. I could be speaking literally. It’s a matter of interpretation.” — Hawk Newsome, president of Greater New York Black Lives Matter, on Fox News

There is only one interpretation: he’s speaking literally.

“Floyd Taylor, uh, George Taylor, George [laughing] Floyd …” — Sen. Chuck Schumer, forgetting George Floyd’s name in a speech on the Senate Floor, video via Twitter

Chuck Pelosi, carrying Democrat senatorial bull excrement.

“Give me money, or we’ll break windows.” — Devonere Armani Johnson, Black Lives Matter organizer in Madison, WI, quoted at FrontPageMag.com

Interpretation: he learned fast.

“People will do what they do.” — Nancy Pelosi, with a shrug, asked by reporter whether a mob should throw a Columbus statue in the harbor in the middle of the night, via The Hill

Nancy sees the same “spark of divinity” in this violent mob that she saw in MS-13.

“I’ve been testing, and I’m constantly tested. Look, all ya gotta, all I gotta do is watch me.” — Joe Biden, first press conference in 88 days, when asked by a reporter, “Have you been tested for some degree of cognitive decline?” Video via The Daily Wire

A mind is a terrible thing to lose.

“Lonnie knows I believe this every fiber of my being, we’re posed. I, what I propose, is, is, it can be done. I think we’re in a position to, to really make it happen. And my team and your team, already working closely together, in light, to light up the path forward here. Critical laws like the pro Act, to strengthen collective bargaining. On politics like prevailing [blank stare] and pre — look, yes, I’m I’m getting, I’m, I’m taking too much time, but, you know.” — Joe Biden, rnc video

Probably could use more fiber.

“You know, back in the 30s, when we had the first breakthrough in terms of what and, for buh, ah, having union movement be able to move.” — Joe Biden, video conference call, via Twitter

Movement be able to move? Yep, it’s a fiber issue. Even back in the 30s.

“Joe Biden will trounce Donald Trump in any debate. What he needs to do is be sure to get a picture side by side so we can see how fit and how trim Vice President Biden is, and what a slob that Trump is … I don’t think Trump will show up. I don’t think Trump will get anywhere around a debate with Joe Biden.” — James Carville, on msnbc

Carville doesn’t fly over the cuckoo’s nest. He rents a room there.

“I know I would have done a better job.” — Hillary Clinton, claiming superiority to President Trump on handling the virus and the economy, quoted at Fox Business

Hillary doesn’t fly over the cuckoo’s nest. She owns it.

“A lot of times I’ll hear people say, ‘Okay, this is about Black Lives Matter, what about Latinos?’ and I always say, ‘Latinos are black!’ We are Afro-Latina, and we run an entire racial spectrum. And so we have to have conversations around ‘colorism,’ and we have to have conversations about the African and indigenous roots from which we come and how that’s reflected in systems of power, wealth inequality, and frankly, our political system.” — Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D, NY), quoted at wibc

Funny, all those conversations are really around Marxism.

“As long as our economy and political systems prioritize profit without considering who is profiting, who is being shut out, we will perpetuate this inequality. So we cannot stop at [the] criminal justice system. We must begin the work of dismantling the whole system of oppression wherever we find it.” — Rep. Ilhan Omar (D, MN), pbs

Funny, you never spout off about “dismantling” the oppressive system in Somalia.

“The [coronavirus] number is down because we brought the number down. God did not do that.” — Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D, NY), video via wvvc-tv

You’re the one who killed off the nursing home residents. God did not do that.

“You don’t need help from above, it’s within us.” — Chris Cuomo, cnn anchor, telling listeners not to rely on God, cnn

Look within you to explain your ratings, Fredo.

“But here’s the thing. Jesus Christ — if you believe in, if that’s who you believe in, Jesus Christ — admittedly was not perfect when He was here on this earth.” — Don Lemon, cnn host, to self-professed Catholic Chris Cuomo, who said nothing, video via The Washington Examiner

Remember, “Lemon” laws were written to deal with defective products.

“Shakespeare surely held the white supremacist values of his culture.” — Ron Charles, The Washington Post book critic

To be or not to be an asinine leftist, that is the question.

“Nope the idea of 2 + 2 equaling 4 is cultural and because of Western imperialism/colonization, we think of it as the only way of knowing.” — Brittany Marshall, describing herself as “she/her, teacher, scholar, social justice change agent, Chicagoan, Ph.D. student (Rutgers gse), architecture enthusiast, wannabe math person, blm always,” on Twitter

She/her is a Teacher. Explains so much.

“The Unintentional Racism Found in Traffic Signals.” — Level, a “higher learning” publication

Next: all traffic signals to be replaced with social workers.

“I have just been made aware that the following traffic sign is being displayed on Main Street. I have ordered that it be taken down immediately and am taking steps to find out how this happened. I apologize to the residents of Melrose.” — Paul Brodeur, mayor of Melrose, MA, furious at message: “the safety of all lives matter,” on Twitter. The police chief then launched an investigation into the “improper and unfortunate” sign.

Nikita Khrushchev, who in 1956 promised communism would “bury” America, looks up from the flames of the underworld and cackles.  

“Still reeling from the coronavirus pandemic and protests over the George Floyd killing, cities around the nation are facing another challenge: a surge in shootings that has left dozens dead. Experts say the spike in violence defies easy explanation.” — AP

Wrong — the explanation is super-easy: blue-city Democrat politicians won’t enforce the law.

“Maybe this has to do with the fact that people aren’t paying their rent and are scared to pay their rent and so they go out and they need to feed their child and they don’t have money so … they feel like they either need to shoplift some bread or go hungry.” —Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, on New York City’s crime wave, quoted at The Hill

Maybe whoever shoplifted your brain will return it one day.

“Trump Keeps Claiming that the Most Dangerous Cities in America Are All Run by Democrats. They Aren’t.” — The Washington Post, pointing out lamely: “Among the 20 cities with the most violent crime per capita, one isn’t a Democrat: the independent mayor of Springfield, MO.”

Journalism dies in dumbness.

“World Has Six Months to Avert Climate Crisis, Says Energy Expert.” — The [UK] Guardian

Wait, what happened to the 12 years aoc promised us?

Photos ©2020 Shutterstock: Schumer: Michael Reynolds/EPA/EFE; Pelosi: Michael Brochstein/SOPA Images; Carville: Andrew Harnik/AP; Biden: Patrick Semansky/AP; Ocasio-Cortez: Mary Altaffer/AP; Cuomo: Lev Radin/Pacific Press; Ocasio-Cortez: Frank Franklin II/AP; The Safety of All Lives Matter screengrab from WHDH.com