Archive [June 2000]

“People here have too much money.” — ROSIE O’DONNELL, DESCRIBING GREENWICH, CT WHERE SHE RECENTLY MOVED — IN PART, SHE SAYS, BECAUSE SHE WAS TOLD IT WAS A SAFE COMMUNITY. QUOTED IN THE STAMFORD ADVOCATE

Which they spend on gun-carrying bodyguards to accompany their children to school while they go rail against guns on their TV talk shows

“Our popular culture continues to depict a world of gratuitous sex and violence.” — HILLARY CLINTON, COMPLAINING ABOUT THE DIFFICULTIES OF RAISING TEENAGERS, IN HER SYNDICATED COLUMN

Spare the culture. Curb your husband.

“Nobody talks about ‘car control’ in ominous terms. Now, if I come get your car and park it in my back yard, that’s car control. Otherwise, it’s highway safety.” — BILL CLINTON, ATTEMPTING TO ARGUE FOR GUN CONTROL BY ANALOGY, QUOTED IN THE WASHINGTON TIMES

Sounds pretty ominous to me.

“I got a friend. He sleeps with me when Hillary’s not here. He’s my true friend. We have a great time.” — BILL CLINTON, TO REPORTERS, ON BUDDY, HIS DOG, AP

Way too much information.

“Raise your hand if you know of a single disappearance. No one can raise their hand!” — FIDEL CASTRO, DURING SPEECH TO CUBAN FARMERS GATHERED FOR A NATIONAL CONGRESS. CASTRO, STUNG BY RECENT U.N. VOTE TO CENSURE CUBA FOR RIGHTS VIOLATIONS, CLAIMED CUBA DOESN’T SPIRIT AWAY POLITICAL ENEMIES AS DO OTHER LATIN AMERICAN GOVERNMENTS. QUOTED IN THE WASHINGTON POST

Because nobody wants to disappear!

“I think we have to be careful here not to go crazy.” — MADELEINE ALBRIGHT, SECRETARY OF STATE, DEFENDING THE STATE DEPARTMENT IN THE FACE OF REPORTS OF WIDESPREAD SECURITY LAPSES. AP

Too late. Hence, Your nickname: “Mad Madeleine.”

“I’d do it forever if I could.” — BILL CLINTON, ON THE PRESIDENCY, REUTERS

Nah. We’ve already got the fumigation scheduled for January.

“And so we’re going to give the judge a chance to do what we believe is right.” — BILL CLINTON, ON HIS COMING DISBARMENT COURT HEARING. NBC INTERVIEW

Translation: We’re going to allow the judge an opportunity to retain his kneecaps.

“I am not a dictator.” — BILL CLINTON, EXPLAINING TO ONE OF THE HUNDRED THOUSAND MILLION MOM MARCHERS WHY HE HADN’T FIXED THE GUN PROBLEM IN AMERICA, ON “GOOD MORNING AMERICA”

You just play one on TV.

“He can take lickins better than anybody I know.” — WILLIAM BOWEN, ON BILL CLINTON, FOR WHOM HE WORKED AS CHIEF OF STAFF DURING CLINTON’S DAYS AS ARKANSAS GOVERNOR, QUOTED IN THE PALM BEACH POST

Perhaps an unfortunate choice of words.

“Oh, I think it’s been good for ours [i.e., our marriage], because I got to live above the store. We actually probably had more time together than we did previously. I mean, you can get busy and drift apart, I guess, in any circumstances. But for us, we worked hard before we got here, and we had a lot of things to do, and we’ve probably had more time together in our time here than at any point in our marriage. And I’ve enjoyed that immensely. It’s been wonderful for us.” — BILL CLINTON, CLAIMING THAT THE WHITE HOUSE HAS BEEN GOOD FOR HIS MARRIAGE; HE AND HLLLARY SPENT “A LOT OF HAPPY DAYS” READING AND TALKING BY THE POOL. NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO INTERVIEW

In between Oval Office trysts.

“We found Bush coming out slightly ahead of Gore. I was so surprised I said, ‘Let’s do that question again and see what happens. So we did it again a few weeks later. And again, it was Bush ahead of Gore.” — BILL SCHNEIDER, CNN SENIOR POLITICAL ANALYST, NOT GETTING THE RESULTS HE WANTED ON “THE GUN ISSUE.” SCHNEIDER’S CONCLUSION? “ANGRY WHITE MEN” ARE GIVING BUSH THE EDGE ON GUN CONTROL. QUOTED IN THE WASHINGTON TIMES

The CNN pollster at work.

“To defeat your defenses we’ll have to spend a lot of money, and we don’t want to do this.” — SHA ZUKANG, CHINA’S CHIEF ARMS NEGOTIATOR, COMPLAINING ABOUT THE U.S. “MISSILE SHIELD” DEFENSE PLAN, ALSO KNOWN AS “STAR WARS.” QUOTED IN THE NEW YORK TIMES

Well, isn’t that just too bad.

“Gun violence does not have to be a fact of our life. This is one of the most violent countries in the world. It doesn’t have to be.” — JANET RENO, ATTORNEY GENERAL, SUPPORTING THE MILLION MOM MARCH, REUTERS

Well, call off Your SWAT teams.

“I probably know more about him than anybody but Tipper … [He had a say in] every difficult decision we ever made, every controversial one, everyone that could have wrecked both our careers.” — BILL CLINTON INTRODUCING AL GORE, AT A DEMOCRAT FUNDRAISER, AP

What could have wrecked your careers? Corruption? Sleaze? Scandal? Selling out your country? Nah. Those are résumé enhancers in your party.

“She missed it.” — HOWARD WOLFSON, SPOKESMAN FOR HILLARY CLINTON, EXPLAINING WHY, THOUGH SHE SAYS EDUCATION TOPS HER CAMPAIGN AGENDA, MRS. CLINTON NEGLECTED TO VOTE IN HER LOCAL SCHOOL BOARD ELECTION IN CHAPPAQUA, NY LAST MONTH. QUOTED IN THE JOURNAL NEWS

Must have been Newt Gingrich’s fault.

“This is the freest country in the world.”— FIDEL CASTRO, ON CUBA, MOCKING THOSE WHO REFER TO HIS GOVERNMENT AS A DICTATORSHIP, QUOTED IN THE WASHINGTON POST

Right. All Cubans are free — to obey you.

“154” — MESSAGE ON PULLOVER SHIRT AN INS PARTICIPANT IN THE EUAN GONZALEZ RAID MAKES FOR FELLOW RAIDERS ONLY. IT ALSO INCLUDES THE WORDS “OPERATION RECOVERY” AND THE SLOGAN “MIAMI IS BEHIND YOU.” THE NUMBER “154” REFERS TO HOW MANY SECONDS THE RAID LASTED. PRICE: $23. QUOTED IN THE WALL ST. JOURNAL

The Fourth Amendment obliterated, and you only got this lousy T-shirt.

“That now-famous picture of a U.S. marshal in Miami pointing an automatic weapon toward Donato Dalrymple and ordering him in the name of the U.S. government to turn over Elian Gonzalez warmed my heart.” — THOMAS FRIEDMAN, COLUMNIST, IN PIECE TITLED, “RENO FOR PRESIDENT,” IN THE NEW YORK TIMES

Ah, liberal compassion.

“[i’d] like to see her on the Supreme Court.” — SEN. CHARLES SCHUMER (D, NY), DURING NEWS CONFERENCE, ON JANET RENO, AP

Memo to the Supremes: Bring your gas masks.

“You know, I just came from a trip from Venezuela to Bogota, Colombia to Moscow. I got to tell you, what people in Bogota, Colombia would give for five minutes of Janet Reno. What people in Russia today in these lawless, no-rule-of-law societies, would give for five minutes of Janet Reno.” — THOMAS FRIEDMAN, NEW YORK TIMES COLUMNIST, ON PBS’S “WASHINGTON WEEK IN REVIEW”

Memo to the peoples of Venezuela, Colombia, and Russia: You have five minutes. Run!

“Polls don’t matter a hoot.” — AL GORE, PREDICTING HE’LL WIN ON ELECTION DAY, UPI

Let me guess — Polls are “a risky scheme.”