Archive [October 1999]

“We have a lot of boxes. We can’t imagine what’s in some of them.” — HILLARY CLINTON, ON MOVING INTO HER $1.7 MILLION CHAPPAQUA HOUSE, AP

FBI files?

“The thought of gunfire in a place of worship should be inconceivable.” — JANET RENO, ON THE BAPTIST CHURCH SHOOTING IN FORT WORTH, TEXAS, AP

Tell it to the Branch Davidians.

“Sometimes the staple doesn’t go all the way through and a page gets lost. I’m sure that’s what happened here.” — ANONYMOUS DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE SOURCE, IN THE WASHINGTON POST, EXPLAINING HOW A JUSTICE DEPARTMENT MEMO SENT TO CONGRESSIONAL INVESTIGATORS WAS MISSING ITS 49TH PAGE, ON WHICH THE FBI ADMISSION OF THE USE OF CS GAS AT WACO APPEARED

I’m sure.

“I think all precautions were taken, you know, to make sure that all human life was preserved. And in the end the measures were not taken that were necessary by the people who owned those establishments.” — RICARDO JIMÉNEZ, FREED F.A.L.N. TERRORIST, BLAMING THE PROPRIETORS OF THE RESTAURANTS AND TAVERNS THAT WERE BLOWN UP, ON NBC’S “MEET THE PRESS”

Sound like the Justice Department explanation of Waco.

“Because he’s the boss of the world.” — CARLOS BELO, EAST TIMORESE BISHOP, ASKED WHY HE BELIEVES CLINTON’S INVOLVEMENT IS NECESSARY TO THE PEACEKEEPING EFFORT IN INDONESIA, AP

Don’t encourage him.

“I’m not going to stand in judgment of his decision.” — AL GORE, ON BILL CLINTON’S OFFER OF CLEMENCY TO PUERTO RICAN TERRORISTS, QUOTED IN THE CHATTANOOGA FREE PRESS

There’s your legacy, right there, in a nutshell.

“I told [Hillary] now that I’m a homeowner I’d better get one of these … I’ve never seen one.” — BILL CLINTON, ARMED WITH A CORDLESS ELECTRIC DRILL AT A NORFOLK, VA SCHOOL, REFERRING TO HIS NEW $1.7 MILLION HOME IN CHAPPAQUA, NEW YORK, AP

They don’t call him Bill the Drill for nothing.

“I think that we in the press have an enormous obligation to help the voters understand the judgment and the temperament, and the morality and the character of the people who want to be President and I think there’s only one way we can do that, and that is to explore the judgments that they have made in the past.” — STEVE ROBERTS OF U.S. NEWS & WORLD REPORT, DEFENDING THE MEDIA PURSUIT OF RUMORS ABOUT GEORGE W. BUSH, ON CNN’S “LATE EDITION”

Where’ve you been for the last seven years?

“We’ll ensure that Old Faithful remains faithful for years to come.” — BILL CLINTON, ON PROTECTING UNDERWATER SPRINGS THAT FEED THE GEYSERS OF YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, AP

Depends what the meaning of “faithful” is.

“I have been concerned about malaria for many years. This is something that is not just coming under my radar screen.” — HILLARY CLINTON, WHEN ASKED IF SHE WOULD LOBBY FOR FEDERAL AID FOR NEW YORK CITY’S MOSQUITO-KILLING CAMPAIGN, APPARENTLY UNAWARE OF NEW YORK’S MOSQUITO-BORNE ENCEPHALITIS OUTBREAK, QUOTED IN THE WASHINGTON TIMES

Her radar screen must have been damaged by the F.A.L.N.

“She has a sexy mouth, I think. That slight palatal overbite — it gets to me. She seems expert at marshaling her mouth’s resources, at inspiring its ingenuity … When she is pouncing on the possibility of an idea, her lips extend their reach into her cheeks and carve out a wolfish, carnal line, as though nothing could please her more than her own hunger … Her laugh is the sexiest thing about her, in fact; it packs a lewd wallop …” — TOM JUNOD, ON HILLARY CLINTON, IN ESQUIRE

This man is in serious need of therapy.

“One could imagine her talking dirty …” — TOM JUNOD, ON HILLARY CLINTON, IN ESQUIRE

Let’s not.

“It is petty and unchivalrous.” — REP. ZOE LOFGREN, (D, CA), ON THE HOUSE VOTE TO REQUIRE CANDIDATES FOR FEDERAL OFFICE TO REIMBURSE THE GOVERNMENT FOR THEIR POLITICAL TRAVEL COSTS, A PROVISION DEMOCRATS COMPLAINED WAS AIMED AT HILLARY CLINTON, AP

Hate to break it to you, but Mrs. Clinton is no damsel in distress.

“Everything that we’ve done has been passed on by the Office of Government Ethics and has been legally approved and I have a lot of anticipation about moving into my house and getting settled in my house.” — HILLARY CLINTON, TO REPORTERS QUESTIONING THE FINANCING ARRANGEMENT FOR THE PURCHASE OF HER CHAPPAQUA HOUSE, QUOTED IN THE WASHINGTON POST

Yeah, we know how careful you are to do everything by the book.

“Oh, I think it fits on a lot of different levels. It fits their personal taste, it’s a nice traditional house, it’s private, near a lot of golf courses for the President, and finally they’ve got a swimming pool … Hillary has wanted a swimming pool for a long time.” — GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS, ON THE CLINTONS’ CHAPPAQUA HOUSE, ON ABC’S “GOOD MORNING AMERICA”

Hard-hitting critique from journalism’s newest political analyst.

“Seeing the Clintons get off the plane yesterday, I concluded they live life in dog years, which is that at least seven years have passed, they’ve had seven years of healing since they walked off that plane last year, Hillary and the sunglasses, not speaking, not talking. And they’re happy, they’re fine. You know, survival makes them kind of high.” — MARGARET CARLSON, REFLECTING ON THE CLINTON VACATION, ON CNN’S “CAPITAL GANG”

Yeah, where is Buddy, anyway?

“I think of the United States as my father, and of Puerto Rico as my mother. Well, my father has been abusing my mother for a long time. It’s time to bring her into the family, or let her go.” — REP. JOSE SERRANO (D, BRONX), SUPPORTER OF CLEMENCY FOR THE F.A.L.N. TERRORISTS, QUOTED IN THE BOSTON GLOBE

Let’s see, is that worse than conflicts between the mother and grandmother?

“It’s been nourishing for me emotionally to work with colors and different fabrics.” — MONICA LEWINSKY, MARKETING A LINE OF “MADE ESPECIALLY FOR YOU BY MONICA” HANDBAGS AT WWW.THEREAL-MONICAINC.COM, AP

The alternative to running for New York senate.

“President Clinton warned Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin here today that money laundering and other forms of financial corruption purportedly plaguing his country are problems that could eat the heart out of Russian society.” — JOHN F. HARRIS, WASHINGTON POST FOREIGN SERVICE, FIRST PARAGRAPH OF NEWS ARTICLE IN THE WASHINGTON POST

Noted.

“But the problem of corruption should not be minimized. It is corroding central institutions. It threatens the viability of an emerging market economy, spreads cynicism among a population still undecided about the merits of democracy and scares away badly needed foreign investment. It will not be easily or quickly uprooted. But Russia could at least begin to minimize the damage it is now suffering if its leaders acted as though they understood the seriousness of the challenge.” — EDITORIAL, WASHINGTON POST

Hello?

“White House Says Yeltsin Denies Corruption Link” — REUTERS HEADLINE

Oh, all right then. If the White House says it.

“You know, my daughter has a very messy apartment up in college. Maybe I shouldn’t intervene to have that cleaned up.” — SAMUEL R. BERGER, NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR, EXPLAINING TO REPORTERS WHY THE CLINTON ADMINISTRATION WAS NOT INTERVENING IN EAST TIMOR, QUOTED IN THE WASHINGTON POST

The new Kissinger.