“We need to stop pretending there’s no way [to] understand why the Trump mob believes in him. It’s because they’re religious! They’ve already made space in their heads for sh-t that doesn’t make sense.” — Bill Maher, blaming Christianity for the January 6 riot, quoted at LifeZette

We need to stop pretending that Bill Maher is relevant.

“As much as we all love Dolly Parton, it’s still disappointing to hear her literally sing the praises of ‘working, working, working.’” — “Dolly Parton’s 2021 Super Bowl Commercial Is Playing a Rich Man’s Game,” nbc News

Work is out! Embrace the left’s new “stimulus-without-work” ethic.

“It’s Time to Talk About Violent Christian Extremism.” — Politico

Nope. Let’s talk about violent godless commies.

“President Biden is perhaps the most religiously observant Commander-in-Chief in half a century. A different, more liberal Christianity grounds his life and his policies.” — The New York Times

He’s observing the “different, more liberal” policies of Planned Parenthood.

“I’m completely over the moon.” — Alexis McGill Johnson, Planned Parenthood ceo, “excited” about Kamala Harris’ “vision for how we transform health care, as well as sexual reproductive health care,” quoted at Breitbart

You can’t abort the moon.

“Kamala Harris Is Good for the Economics Profession.” — Bloomberg, predicting Kommie’s 1986 BS degree in economics will draw black women into the field

Oh, for a minute I thought you said the oldest profession.

“Kamala Harris’ Style Is Ushering in a New Generation of Power Dressing.” — The New York Post

“The Fake-Win Wardrobe.”

“Compassion and kindness is back.” — Jen Psaki, Biden press secretary, celebrating the Bidens’ Valentine’s Day lawn display of hearts, on Twitter

Will that be the slogan over your re-education camps?

“‘I Will Destroy You’: Biden Aide Threatened a Politico Reporter Pursuing a Story on His Relationship.” — Vanity Fair, on threats from Biden Deputy Press Secretary (who later resigned) attempting to bury his affair with White House reporter

All the compassion and kindness we’d expect from the party of the purge.

“We had a policy … of attacking terrorism at its root, of going after and killing, and in the case of Anwar Awlaki, an American, a Yemeni-American, with a drone strike for the crime of inciting violence, inciting terrorism… The way you root out terrorism, is to take on, in the case of Islamic terrorism, kill those who incite it.” — Nicolle Wallace, msnbc anchor, repeatedly floating “drone strikes” to solve “domestic terrorism,” i.e., Trump supporters, quoted at NewsBusters

Compassionate and kind drone strikes headed your way.

“Oh, heck no. The Trumpites next door to our pandemic getaway, who seem as devoted to [Trump] as you can get … just plowed our driveway without being asked and did a great job. How am I going to resist demands for unity in the face of this act of aggressive niceness? … Hezbollah, the Shiite Islamist political party in Lebanon, also gives things away for free.” — Virginia Heffernan, “What Can You Do About the Trumpites Next Door?” column in The Los Angeles Times

Put her snow back.

“Who cares? … Died in a hospital. Died in a nursing home. They died.” — Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D, NY), angrily responding to revelations that he covered up 50 percent of deaths resulting from his policy of forcing nursing homes to accept covid patients, who infected residents, killing at least 15,000, quoted in The Washington Post

I hear an echo: “What difference, at this point, does it make?”

“It’s the only choice for somebody like me who is traveling the world to win this battle.” — John Kerry, Biden Climate Czar, on taking a polluting private jet to Iceland to receive a “climate leadership” award, quoted at Fox News

Where’s your bicycle? Your paddleboard?

“Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen plans to create a senior post at the Treasury Department that will be charged with monitoring alleged risks to the financial system from climate change.” — Breitbart, on Treasury Climate Czar, likely to be Sarah Bloom Raskin, wife of Democrat House impeachment manager Jamie Raskin

A global warming monetary policy? We are so screwed.

“Deportation Warnings Halted Because They Cause ‘Undue Stress’ on Illegal Migrants.” — The Washington Examiner, on Biden ordering immigration officials to stop warning illegal migrants — described as “customers” — caught lying on asylum and welfare applications

No concern about the undue stress on taxpayers.

“There’s a lot of people more concerned about being precisely, factually, and semantically correct than about being morally right.” — Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D, NY), excusing her many factual errors on cbs “60 Minutes”

Let us know when you’re morally right about where you were during the Capitol riot.

“When reporters are getting really loud, or they’re starting to ask crazy questions, I just slow down my pace, and I talk very quietly, and I treat them like I’m an orderly sometimes in an insane asylum.” — Jen Psaki, npr

Hey Nurse Ratched, do you want to circle back on that?

“Coronavirus Lockdown a Lonely Time for Jerusalem Zoo Animals.” — The New York Post

Why? They couldn’t go out on dates anymore?

“The cat is going to dominate the internet whenever the cat is announced and wherever that cat is found.” — Jen Psaki, on the Bidens’ plans to get a cat, Breitbart

White House News, 2021.

“There’s nothing we can do to change the trajectory of the pandemic in the next several months.” — Joe Biden, post-inauguration, a week after promising “Together, we’ll change the course of the pandemic,” Fox News

“So the only thing left in our toolbox is to punish Florida.”

“Most people know her as Jill Biden. But to some she is Dr. B, the compassionate and challenging educator who went the extra mile.” — The Washington Post

Journalism, 2021.

“All of America needs deprogramming because we’ve all been negatively influenced by Donald Trump.” — Steve Hassan, “cult expert,” on cnn

“We’ll deprogram them with compassion and kindness. Or drones.”

“To Understand Trump’s Support, We Must Think in Terms of Multiracial Whiteness.” — Cristina Beltrán, smearing Hispanic Trump voters as racist whites, op-ed in The Washington Post

“Multiracial whiteness?” What does that even mean?

“If every young person educates their family on the environmental impact they are having, that in turn is … changing the tide… It allows people to see your path, your journey, and go, ‘Do you know what, I want some of that’…” — Prince William, video chat with the UN’s “Young Champions of the Earth,” encouraging budding environmentalist wacko activists to harass their families, quoted in Canada’s Soap Opera Spy

His Highness the Royal Carbon Footprint, creating a generation of Greta Thunberg automatons.

Photos: Maher, Harris, Cuomo, Kerry, Psaki, Ocasio-Cortez, Joe Biden, Jill Biden, William: ©2020 Shutterstock/Larry Marano/Erik Pendzich/Stefani Reynolds/UPI/ POOL/EPA-EFE/Alba Vigaray/Chris O’Meara/AP/Tim Rooke; Johnson ©2020 Getty Images/Staff