Negative Space

With coronavirus panic and riots subsiding, the drive-by media is boldly going to the final frontier to scare up more hysteria. And it’s really out there. According to The Atlantic, “A Black Hole Is ‘Almost on Our Doorstep.’” Well, if you live in a Democrat city, don’t bother calling 911.

In galactic terms, this newly discovered black hole is super close to the earth — “only” 1,000 light years away. “On the scale of the Milky Way, it’s in our backyard,” says European Southern Observatory [eso] astronomer Thomas Rivinius. In fact, it’s much nearer than all the other black holes astronomers have discovered; last year’s find was 55 million light years away.

Though doorstep close, this hole remained elusive until now because, well, black holes are invisible. And this one doesn’t behave like the other known black holes, which are noticed by astronomers when they start sucking in matter around them. Scientists calculate this black hole to be four times the mass of our sun, but it is leaving the neighborhood alone. So far, no suckage.

That doesn’t mean you can relax. The Atlantic warns, “There are likely other black holes orbiting ‘nearby,’ hidden in dark crevices around bright stars.” It’s a good thing fearmongering, like space, is full of holes.

Political Briefing

Lots of people display their political views publicly on shirts, hats, and bags. But L.A.-based clothing company Canava is selling special undergarments for women to express their politics in private.

The line of limited-edition ladies’ underpants features names of high-profile lib heroes who “impressed” Canava designers during the covid-19 outbreak, according to The New York Post. The honorable mentions for these unmentionables are: Gov. Andrew Cuomo, Gov. “Prince Gavin” Newsom, and Dr. Anthony Fauci. No word if any of these undergarments were snapped up by the families of New York nursing home residents who succumbed after Cuomo forced the facilities to take infected patients. In California, wannabe beachgoers, brides-to-be, and hairdressers will doubtless score the Newsom panties in gratitude for their governor’s super-helpful micromanaging of their lives. Fauci fans will want to wear them as social-distance signals — which is probably superfluous. I assume the run of this “limited edition” collection will be brief.

Tulsa Tesla Titan

Tesla may be scouting for a new location to build their Cybertruck electric pickup and Model Y utility vehicles. During the pandemic shutdown, ceo Elon Musk steered away from the heavy restrictions the People’s Republic of California imposed on his Fremont assembly plant. Weirdly, he wanted to make cars, employ people, and make money. Officials said no. With safety measures lined up, Musk opened his factory anyway, in defiance of the libs’ lockdown in Alameda County.

Residents of Tulsa, OK apparently heard about the trouble Musk was having in the land of fruits and nuts, and, reports Fox News, seized the opportunity. To entice Musk to build a Tulsa Tesla factory, the Tulsans repainted a titan-sized statue in his likeness. Really, what says “Come build your factory here” louder than a 75-foot-tall giant with your face? Tesla Owners of Oklahoma emblazoned the company logo on the statue’s chest and “Tesla” on its belt buckle.

In the middle of all this drama, Musk tweeted, “Take the red pill,” which many interpreted as a rejection of liberalism. Californian officials are furious at Musk, incensed that he might actually turn his back on them just because they want to shut down his business. They could learn a lot about economics from Tulsa. So it’s surprising that Musk is also considering far-left Austin, TX as a factory location, where the socialist titans would no doubt quarantine his profits during the next cold & flu season.  

Shore Thing

For libs who love snooping, meddling, and scolding (and all of them do), this is a summer of ecstasy. According to The New York Post, New Jersey’s Cape May County is hiring “social distancing ambassadors” for the summer to advance their campaign, “Six Feet Saves Lives.” These busybodies are tasked with checking that beachgoers maintain social distancing and wear masks. They also scold people on the popular boardwalks or beaches if they are not being PC: pandemically correct. Free at last to nag with the force of government, these people also distribute “literature” on how to practice proper anti-virus behavior. I can only imagine how this is going over with the Jersey Shore public.

New Jersey Gov. Phil Murphy (Democrat, naturally) has implemented restrictions on beachgoers to keep crowds at bay. Many Cape May County beaches have put the kibosh on deadly activities like swimming, jogging, sports, social events, and walking dogs. Sitting on beach chairs and lying on towels is approved, however. So according to the libs, outdoor exercise is dangerous, but being sedentary is good for you. Of course, if you want to riot, the social distancing ambassadors will cheer you on.

Negative Space ©2020 ESO/L. Calçada, CC-BY 4.0; Nomo Joe-Mo photo of Grand Canyon ©2020 Shutterstock/Roman Kosolapov; Tulsa Tesla Titan photo illustration by The Limbaugh Letter photo of statue ©2020 Associated Press/Ian Maule, photo of Musk ©2020 Paul Hennessy/SOPA Images/Shutterstock; Socialist Distancing illustrations for The Limbaugh Letter©2020 Allison Smith