Déjà Moo

Does life feel udderly out of control? Don’t have a cow; the we-are-one-with-the-animal-kingdom crowd has a ruminant for you. As wdrb reports, “Cow-Hugging, an Alleged Wellness Fad, Has People Cuddling Farm Animals to Relieve Stress.” Apparently, cuddling a cud-chewer raises your cortisol levels, increasing levels of oxytocin, the feel-good hormone. So the beatific Bessies — cow-counselors, if you will — can provide a serenity break from left-wing chaos. A farmer who raises bovine buddies told the bbc, “Cows are very relaxed animals, they don’t fight, they don’t get in trouble. You come to the fields and we have some special hugging cows and you can lay next to [them] — people think it’s very relaxing.” Cow pies and flatulence aren’t planet-killers any more, I guess.

Mountain Horse Farm in upstate New York milks the fad for all its worth, offering cow-caressing sessions for $75 a pop. The farm’s website says about their animals, “We will tell you about their personalities, about their likes and dislikes… [C]ows are sentient beings; they are individuals just like you, and it’s wonderful to get to know them.” I’m tempted to call bull, but who am I to make hay out of those seeking a peaceful mooood?

Mock Doc

Yes, size matters, and now Dr. Anthony Fauci is appropriately represented as a small plastic doll. The covid-19 fearmonger mastermind bent on canceling the holidays and itching to put the U.S. under a 111-day quarantine “is being immortalized as an action figure,” according to The Hill. The six-inch-tall doll is produced by a company called fctry, which also dolls-up other lefty heroes like Nancy Pelosi, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Bernie Sanders, and Barack Hussein O. All of whom are deservedly diminutive, as history will prove them to be. The Fauci mini-manikin features him in lab coat and mask (removable when no one’s looking) with a pocketed stethoscope and glasses perfectly in place. Liberal fans can perch him on a living room bookshelf to remind them to properly social distance at family gatherings, or as a dashboard bobblehead, signaling them to mask up while driving. It’ll be the first icon for the proud leftist homes, an ersatz Saint Anthony statue that scolds.

Commie Cash Flow

According to Campus Reform, the University of North Carolina [unc] decided to make some budgetary changes due to the pandemic. Portions of faculty and administrators’ salaries are being reallocated to departments that suffered covid losses. When unc’s Anti-Racist Graduate Worker Collective heard some redistribution of wealth was going on, they wanted in.

They issued a list of demands for money to be redistributed — to themselves. After all, if the administration accepted a ten percent pay cut, why shouldn’t the “funds freed up by this cut be redistributed directly” to them? “Worker relief,” they called it. “We are tired of seeing the people at the top get more and more,” the grad students complained, “while we are forced to make do on what effectively becomes less and less as cost of living increases.” Because living expenses rise only for graduate students, apparently.

This is what happens when you teach students Marxism: they will believe it, and pick your pocket.

Con with the Wind

Talk about breezing past reality. You know all those giant turbines that are supposed to save the planet with “wind power”? Well, the huge fiberglass blades — each about the size of a Boeing 747 wing — are piling up in landfills. Because fiberglass doesn’t degrade, the blades can’t be recycled. That’s a big oops from the “clean-energy” kooks, who never made a plan.

As the environmentalist news blog Return to Now explains, the wind turbine movement took wing over a decade ago, and now the first-generation structures are going to the grave — about 12,000 turbines annually in the U.S. and Europe alone. City landfills know which way the wind blows, and charge up to $675,000 to store the trashed blades. Bloomberg notes that since they’re “built to withstand hurricane-force winds, the blades can’t easily be crushed, recycled, or repurposed.” Only a few landfills in the U.S. accept them, so blades must be trucked thousands of miles, adding to the greenies’ carbon-footprint guilt.

But here’s a breath of fresh air. A new company called Global Fiberglass Solutions has invented a process to turn the blades into flooring material. If that can be sold at a competitive price, even environmentalist wackos could be blown away by the beauty of capitalism.

Undressed for Arrest

The British government is making some lovers kiss romance goodbye — because sweethearts supposedly spread the coronavirus. According to The New York Post, UK romantic partners who don’t live together are now committing a crime if they come within six feet of each other. Under strict new rules, they “aren’t allowed to have sex — and are forbidden from meeting up anywhere but outside.” They are ordered not to touch each other at all.

Brits, as you can imagine, have heated up over the new restrictions. “Couples can’t have sex, yet pubs are still open? The UK is making such a sh–show of this pandemic,” tweeted one British subject. A government spokesman explains, “The purpose of the measures we’ve put in place is to break the chain of transmission between households, and the scientific advice is that there is greatest transmission of the virus indoors.” The government apparently intends to “break the chain of transmission” by chaining up human passion. Good luck with that.

Grand Theft Audio

Social justice warriors continue to invade gaming. Now PlayStation is bringing a new feature into play: voice-text recordings. Summit News revealed that PlayStation records gamers’ in-game chats to enable offended gamers to rat out other users. Talk about an invitation for the perpetually affronted to go undercover. Still, it will bring a new realism to crime games, including oldies like Grand Theft Auto, as your fellow gamers may actually be spies and informants.

Users must now waive their privacy rights, allowing virtue-signaling flunkies to report them and even get them banned. Says Sony, “When behaviors that violate the Community Code of Conduct are reported, PlayStation Safety will review the reports… These recordings will be used only for safety and moderation purposes.” Uh-huh.

PlayStation’s code of conduct includes guidelines like “do not use or promote hate speech,” and “be inclusive … regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity.” Big Brother is listening, so you better have fun.

Illustrations ©2020 Allison Smith for The Limbaugh Letter; Fauci image for Mock Doc from FCTRY website; Photo for Con with the Wind ©2020 Getty Image/Benjamin Rasmussen/Contributor; Screengrab for Woke Dolls from YouTube.com; Photo for Race Rehab ©2020 Getty Images/Tara Moore