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Environmentalist wackos have long disapproved of paper because, they say, it kills trees, is toxic to produce, and clogs landfills. So, people have been guilt-tripped into “going paperless,” getting their bills via email to save the earth.

Well, you can’t win with these wackos. “Cut Back on Email If You Want to Fight Global Warming,” demands Bloomberg News. Yeah, now your email threatens the environment. The problem: data storage. “All those messages require energy to preserve them.” Eeevil fossil fuels must be utilized to “keep data servers up, running, and cool.” Hewlett-Packard calculates that 94 percent of all data ever created “is sitting in a vast ‘cyber landfill,’ … with a massive carbon footprint.”

Erasing doesn’t help. “Multiple copies of even decade-old emails are stored on servers around the world. And energy is being used to keep them alive.” Folks, there’s only one solution. Hillary Clinton’s storage method, keeping data on ice on her bathroom server. She found a foolproof way to make sure tens of thousands of emails, along with other inconveniences, are no longer alive. All to save the planet, obviously.

Peak Plants

Can’t you see the earth is suffering? cnn reports: “More Plants Are Growing Around Everest — and the Consequences Could Be Serious.” Oh, no! Turns out, “grasses, shrubs, and mosses” are flourishing across the Himalayan region “as the area continues to experience the consequences of global warming.” Because more vegetation is a sure sign of the apocalypse.

“‘There are now more areas that are covered in plants than there were in 1993,’ Karen Anderson, a remote sensing scientist who led the research, told cnn.” Remote sensing scientists don’t actually go to these places to sense vegetation. They sense the satellite data. And what they sense is doom.

Admitting it’s “still too early to tell” what all this new growth means, Anderson warns that “urgent research” is needed. “We don’t know what the impact is — it may be that plants trap snow and might cause it to melt more slowly. It might be that the plants cause the snow to melt more quickly.” Either way: bad, bad, bad. Get rid of your suv.

I Swear, You Swear, We All Swear at “Menswear”

If you don’t think the fashion world has gone bananas, you haven’t been exposed to GQ magazine’s “Why the Codpiece Remains One of Menswear’s Most Essential Accessories.” (Essential to nuts.) It’s a glossy photo, er, package attempting to re-erect a weird 16th-century style infamously embraced by Henry VIII, basically incorporating an external jockstrap into his pantaloons.

According to GQ, the man-sling was “an unexpected motif” in the Spring 2020 menswear collection by American designer Thom Browne, shown in Paris last year. “[A] token of male virility disguised as performance wear in sports and dance … [is] the spirit Browne’s seersucker runway captured, with its pirouetting ballerinos in tutus, codpieces proudly displayed like badges, a sendup of the overt sexual signaling of historical fashion.”

“I just like to make people see things differently,” says Browne. “And make people either love it, or hate it.’” Not a hard choice.

Calling someone a “nerd,” “brainiac,” “egghead,” or “geek” should be a hate crime. So says Dr. Sonja Falck, a University of East London lecturer, who told the “Good Morning Britain” show there should be “legal consequences” for using those put-downs, according to The New York Post. Falck, a psychotherapist, says nerds — I mean, bookish people — are “a target for being bullied quite viciously.” She thinks the geek category doesn’t get enough attention in liberal victimology. “[V]ery-high-IQ people are a minority group in society who are very much ignored … and largely neglected.” She claims “neurodiversity” (IQ differences) “is an aspect of individual difference which really ought to be recognized by society.” Eggheads need safe spaces! Government programs! Subsidies! “Hate crime [legislation] is simply about somebody being targeted in a negative way for who they are,” Falck insists. “And a person with a very high IQ who comes across in a different way often is targeted in that way.” Clearly, Dr. Falck is in no danger of being targeted as a brainiac.

Psycho Psychedelic

Last June, according to Fox News, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez introduced legislation to make it easier for researchers to study psychedelic drugs like magic mushrooms. It went down in flames, 331 to 91, with 148 Democrats joining Republicans to defeat her far-out policy. But MarijuanaMoment.net stayed on the story, even after the mainstream media dropped it like a hot roach. Now we learn the ex-Bronx Bartender isn’t giving up on shrooms: “aoc Says She’ll Introduce More Psychedelics Legislation in Congress.”

Aaron Genuth, organizing director for Decriminalize Nature New York City, told Marijuana Moment that he spoke with Ocasio-Cortez in a selfie line at a recent rally. According to Genuth, the congresswoman told him that “she’s working on it and introducing another measure in Congress.” He said, “It was a really good, positive encounter and confirmed that she’s extremely supportive of what we’re all doing.” After her initial measure tanked, Ocasio-Cortez declared support for decriminalizing all drugs — the psychedelic push is just one part of that.

aoc recently declared, “It’s a physical impossibility to lift yourself up by a bootstrap, by your shoelaces! It’s physically impossible!” But it looks like she is lifting up the whole psycho community.

Illustrations ©2020 Allison Smith for The Limbaugh Letter unless noted otherwise; Hotmail illustration ©2020 Nick Little; I Swear, You Swear, We All Swear at “Menswear” photo ©2020 Getty Images; Geek Pique gavel photo ©2020 Shutterstock; Dollars to Donuts ©2020 Getty Images