Blame-Game of Cards

In a new card deck design by Indy Mellink of the Netherlands, the kings got shuffled off. Reuters reports that Ms. Mellink was explaining a card game to her cousins last year, when she suddenly wondered why male royalty should be valued above female royalty. “If we have this hierarchy that the king is worth more than the queen, then this subtle inequality influences people in their daily life,” she said, “because it’s just another way of saying ‘hey, you’re less important.’”

Of course, there is no evidence of societal oppression via face cards, but Mellink played the hand she was dealt by her own thoughts. So she designed a new gender-neutral deck that replaces the kings, queens, and jacks with gold (bars), silver (coins), and bronze (shields). Inspiring. Talk about your wild cards.

The head of the Dutch Bridge Association, Berit van Dobbenburgh, burbled: “It is good that we reflect on gender neutrality! … Gender neutrality, I am all for it!” But then she paused. After admitting that this new card design would require revising all the game rules, she added: “I wonder if it’s worth it.” Just for jokers.

Pardon the Garden

A green thumb is now cause for botanical guilt. “Gardens are matters of class and privilege,” sniffs Corinne Fowler, lefty Professor of Post-Colonial Literature at the University of Leicester in the UK. Breitbart reports on this ray of sunshine, who declares that since many British estates were once supported through colonialism, gardening in Britain is inherently racist. Those roses? Offensive. Lilies? Stinking privileged. Especially white ones, I suppose.

In her new book, Green Unpleasant Land, Fowler calls the British countryside “a terrain of inequalities.” In fact, she says, “knowledge about gardens and plants, in particular botany, has had deep colonial resonances… The scientific categorization of plants has at times engaged in the same hierarchies of ‘race’ that justified empire and slave and slavery.” So identifying vegetation is just like slavery.

Responds Brexit Party politician Martin Daubney: “Will this crap ever end? Or is this now our destiny: to forever bang our heads on tables at the sheer stupidity of humanity?” But humanity isn’t to blame; leftists are. Stick that in your garden and grow it, Professor Fowler.

Scream Puff

After they’ve scraped the excrement from the bottom of the barrel, wackos recycle it. The latest comeback: scream therapy, popular in the 60s and 70s, and touted once again in Popular Science, in the article titled: “Stressed? Try Screaming. Yes, Really. A Primal Scream Won’t Solve All Your Problems, But It’s a Good First Step.” “Science” now says that temper tantrums are healthy. Giving cover to angry leftists (is there any other kind?), for whom having fits is a way of life.

Popular Science advises: “Giving voice to all that pain can be really helpful, especially if you feel like you’re about to burst… [V]enting out a little bit of ‘steam’ can allow you to get on with your day without causing a scene.” Because screaming is how to not cause a scene. It’s science.

Psychotherapist Avi Klein does warn, “If you’re a doormat in your life but you’re smashing dishes elsewhere, I don’t think that’s really helping.” On the other hand, being both ineffectual and enraged is a pretty accurate description of libs on Twitter.

Resting Lib Face

Scientist Michael Kosinski of Stanford University says your politics are written all over your face. He can tell your ideology by just looking at you. Because, according to ZeroHedge, “facial recognition technology can expose individuals’ political orientation, as faces of liberals and conservatives consistently differ.” Publishing his study results in Scientific Reports — one of my favorite journals — Kosinski explains that he devised an algorithm to predict a person’s political leanings, with 72 percent accuracy. Kosinski found that head positions and expressions differed along party lines. Liberals were more likely to look directly at the camera and more likely to look surprised. (Probably shocked that they actually maneuvered their guy into the Oval Orifice, but he’s got Chi-Com egg on his face. Every day.) Conservatives “tend to be healthier, drink less alcohol and smoke less, and have a different diet,” impacting skin health and texture in identifiable ways. The truth is, I don’t even know why this is news. It’s simple to detect Democrats. They look like the miserable scolds they are, especially if they think someone somewhere might be enjoying life.

Venus Apocalypse

With the Biden Regime obsessing on climate change, researchers are searching for new sources for planetary fear. Re-enter the dying-earth doom-and-gloomers, preaching fire and brimstone sermons on global warming. Exhibit A: an article on the academic science-and-technology website The Conversation titled, “Venus Was Once More Earth-Like, But Climate Change Made It Uninhabitable.”

Currently, the surface of Venus is 840°F with an atmosphere comprised of 96 percent carbon dioxide. No life exists there, and there’s no water. But none of that matters: “We can learn a lot about climate change from Venus, our sister planet.” Yes, inhospitable “sister” Venus is a vision of future earth, if you keep driving your suv. Climate modelers say millions of years ago, volcanoes erupted all over Venus, boiling away rivers and killing any life. Although climate modelers are on shaky ground, researchers contend it could happen here. “Eruption events can release enough carbon dioxide to cause catastrophic climate change on earth.” See how that works? Venus = sister earth. Science.

Senate Majority Leader Chuck-You Schumer (D, NY) called our warming planet “the existential threat of our time.” Actually, the threat of our time is the commies running Washington.

Illustrations ©2021 Allison Smith for The Limbaugh Letter; Watcher Wheels ©2021 Shutterstock/Noiel; Scream Puff ©2021 Shutterstock/Master1305; Venus Apocalypse ©2021 Shutterstock: car/Nerthuz; planet venus/Nixx Photography