News Digest

13 Dec 2021

Fleece the Rich

Socialist Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D, NY) hates capitalism. Unless she gets her cut of the profits. The New York Post reports that aoc is selling a bunch of high-priced apparel on her website, including a $60 sweatshirt emblazoned with her initials and the message, “Tax the Rich.”

But the proceeds do not go to the downtrodden masses in her hood, or to the small business owners losing their shirts in the Democrats’ New York City lockdown. No, her website explains that “purchases are campaign contributions.” So it all goes right into her pockets.

Unsurprisingly, the congresswoman making six figures is taking hits on social media. In response, aoc is hot under the collar. “Republicans are freaking out [because] we don’t use slave-wage labor for merch[andise] that funds grassroots organizing,” she snaps. “But what’s the difference between Trump’s merch and ours? Ours is made in the U.S.” So are Trump’s $30 maga hats. Oops.

There’s a reason that Goya Foods’ pro-Trump ceo jokingly named Rep. Ocasio-Cortez honorary “Employee of the Month,” after she called for a boycott and the anti-aoc backlash increased Goya’s sales 1,000 percent. The woman is obviously an economic genius.

Trump Derangement Syndrome 101

Feminists want equality and special treatment, and now they can get it via a new course available this spring at Tulane University. Professorette Kate Baldwin is teaching a class called “Feminism After Trumplandia.” Because Trump’s policies apparently created “an unprecedented dystopia for women across the political spectrum.”

The class description cites policies like “the Muslim ban,” the defunding of Planned Butcherhood, and “rescinding of protections for transgender students.” There you go. Modern-day feminism says it’s all men’s fault, but it’s also immoral to categorize people as binary.

Campus Reform reports that the course will cover authors like commie Angela Davis and Shulamith Firestone, who was inspired by Karl Marx (who was, by the way, a man) to attack the “sexual class system.” Despite all this, Prof. Baldwin claims Feminism After Trumplandia “is not a politically partisan course.” Right. I’m sure it will be as ideologically diverse as the Biden-Harris Regime.

Well, Trumplandia-friendly Tulane students could always spend the semester studying a broad instead. Oh, wait.

Diesel Destroyers

The New York Post has identified a new target for climate loons, in an article titled “Diesel Truck Drivers Are Souping Up Their Cars — and Killing the Environment.” How are these drivers supposedly wrecking the planet? By installing “diesel tuners,” which are designed to increase the trucks’ towing capabilities and engine power. Bad. As a motor of fact, the tuners also allow the trucks to create greater emissions while bypassing the Engine Control Module, prompting it to display the emission rate as at factory standard. Ingenious. I mean, super bad.

Activist John Walke of the leftist Natural Resources Defense Council warns, “It’s happening at ground level where people are breathing the fumes. And if the problem extends to other vehicles it’s almost unimaginable what the health impact will be.” Unimaginable? Well, here’s what I imagine the impact will be: zip, zero, nada.

Predictably, the environmentalist wackos want to fix this “unimaginable” problem with more regulations, and more federal money for inspections to catch these dastardly diesel tuners. They claim $228 million isn’t enough, but they’re full of gas. Keep on trucking, folks.

Cosmic Fuzzball

Once upon the universe, we were told that what goes into a black hole stays in a black hole. As reported by Popular Mechanics, string-theory scientists now say that black holes may not be matter-sucking abysses in the sky after all. They could be balls of stringed matter tangled together. The universe’s balls of yarn.

In the article titled “Black Holes May Not Be Black Holes at All. They May Actually Be Fuzzballs,” Paul Sutter from Space.com says, “[I]n a neutron star, atomic camaraderie breaks down and dissolves, leaving behind just neutrons crammed together as tightly as possible. With fuzzballs, the fundamental strings stop working together and simply crowd together, becoming a large, well, ball of strings. A fuzzball.”

New research suggests that old black holes don’t just suck in new matter; they also spit it out. On the other hand, scientists aren’t even sure if fuzzballs are the black holes they’ve been monitoring, or if fuzzballs simply wind up within a black hole.

So what’s the truth, the hole truth, and nothing but the truth? Here’s my theory, which is just as good as any string theorist’s: the universe is actually echoing the message I’ve always told you, writ large across the stars: Rush Limbaugh — a harmless, lovable little fuzzball.

DISGRACED LIB REWARDS

Exhibitionist

In addition to havoc, Hunter Biden creates art, according to The [UK] Daily Mail. As the Justice Department (supposedly) cracks open his family’s shady business dealings, the first son says he is “keeping sane” by blowing alcohol ink through a straw onto Japanese Yupo paper, a synthetic surface. Hunter’s masterpieces of trippy abstracts and psychedelic flowers apparently shield him from cracking under the strain. Now the George Bergés Gallery, an upscale Manhattan art spot, is so blown away by Hunter’s talent (or by hopes of earning Joe “Big Guy” Biden’s favors) that they plan to host junior’s first exhibit later this year.

That’s the treatment Democrats get instead of pre-dawn swat raids — even though the doj claims they’ve been sniffing around Hunter’s dubious Chinese deals since 2018. At the second Presidential debate the elder Biden piped up, “Not one single solitary thing was out of line. My son has not made money in terms of this thing about, what are you talking about, China.” You know, the thing.

So Hunter is laying low and doing blow-art, switching from China high times to Japanese paper. And while he waits till the thing blows over, he gets an art show.

Rather Fake

An ex-cbs journalist said this: “News organizations … have to have the guts and the backbone to dig into stories that people in power don’t want the public to know.” Sounds noble, except the quote is from Dan Rather, whose “guts” and “backbone” led him to use counterfeit documents in 2004 to try to discredit George W. Bush’s National Guard service. Or, as defenders put it at the time, “fake but accurate.”

Rather is experiencing somewhat of a career renaissance in drive-by circles due to his relentless smears against President Trump — after a lifetime of attacking Republicans. Now The Washington Examiner reveals that journalism awards are being given out in Rather’s honor. The Moody College of Communications at the University of Texas in Austin has announced the Dan Rather Medals for News and Guts “will be awarded to professional and collegiate journalists who go the extra yard — overcoming obstacles like stonewalling and harassment — to get the story that tells the truth to power.” Let me edit that: “the story that tells lies about conservatives.”

Career on Ice

When Colin Kaepernick was kneeling during the national anthem as an nfl player, he was showered with accolades and attention, but that has melted away with his employment prospects. Yahoo Sports has the inside scoop on Kaepernick’s latest bid to stay cool. He has persuaded ice cream brand Ben & Jerry’s to kick off a new flavor in his honor.

But just like his social justice pandering, this isn’t the real deal either. It’s a “frozen nondairy dessert” with a sunflower seed butter base — dubbed “Colin Kaepernick’s Change the Whirled.” It had to be nondairy because Kaepernick is vegan. Figures. His diva ways may well be why no nfl team is biting at the chance to employ him. But anything is popsicle. The nfl could call him back after a month of sundaes.

Regarding his new flavor deal, Kaepernick pontificated: “My hope is that this partnership will amplify calls to defund and abolish the police and to invest in futures that can make us safer, healthier, and truly free.” This from the guy who wears Fidel Castro T-shirts and socks with pigs in police hats. I have a better idea. How about changing the whirled by standing up for Betsy Ross?

Big Battle Bot

As you know, the Japanese love their cyborgs. But now they’ve gone the extra mile with a 60-foot-tall automaton. It’s designed to look like it stepped out of “Mobile Suit Gundam,” a popular Japanese cartoon that features gigantic battle robots controlled by humans. While this huge Gundam robot won’t actually fire at the enemy, it can move its head and limbs. But it doesn’t byte. Reuters reports that the Gundam robot is the star of Gundam Factory, a theme park that opened in Yokohama in December.

At a press conference unveiling the robo giant, Japan’s Chief Cabinet Secretary Katsunobu Kato said he hoped the Gundam robot would attract tourists to “recharge their batteries,” enjoy the city, and, oh yeah, revive the local economy. Kato added, “Of course, we now have the coronavirus issue. I want people to tackle [entertaining] endeavors like this while making an effort to prevent the spread of infection.” You better build your bot a gargantuan Gundam face mask, Mr. Kato. Or the tourist Karens will shut you down.

Illustrations ©2021 Allison Smith for The Limbaugh Letter; Cosmic Fuzzball photo of Limbaugh ©2021 Brian Smith; Fuzz Ball and Space photo ©2021 Shutterstock; Disgraced Lib Rewards frame photo ©2021 Shutterstock; Big Battle Bot photo ©2021 imageBROKER/Shutterstock