In-Tents Non-Sense

Well, music isn’t filling the air at this school. When in-person learning recently resumed in parts of Washington state, Wenatchee High School made sure its band practice wouldn’t go viral. As in covid-19. Not only are band musicians spaced six feet apart, but each student is also ensconced in a green pop-up tent, the kind used for camping toilets.

Talk about sour notes. The Post Millennial reports that most of the student musicians have a bit of elbow room in the tents, but nobody pulled strings for Juan Cruz, who plays the sousaphone. He and his tuba are jammed in with little air to spare — no doubt taking the oomph out of his oompah.

Side effects of practicing in personal isolation tents may include: reduced oxygen levels, muscle cramps, claustrophobia, and paranoia. Which are also, coincidentally, symptoms of leftism. Lance Noell, principal of nearby Eastmont High in East Wenatchee, said of the students, “The stories I hear from them are dark. It’s disturbing and scary.” But enough about Dr. Fauci. It’s past time for some upbeat and up-tempo news for these kids. Let the musicians get out and play.

Scots on the Rocks

Not-so-Great Scott. According to Breitbart, the Hunterian Museum, Scotland’s oldest, has now hired a “Curator of Discomfort,” in order to confront that country’s supposed white supremacy. The mission: to ensure that the Scottish population (96 percent white) feels guilty, all the time.

When professional leftist Zandra Yeaman saw the Glasgow job advertised, she knew she’d be the perfect Curator of Discomfort. “For several years now I have been [pressuring museums] to reshape curatorial thinking as well agitating for Scotland’s role in empire, colonialism, and slavery to be represented,” she told Museums Galleries Scotland. When hired, she decided what to attack first: the museum itself. “I immediately thought the ‘discomfort’ should be felt inside the institution.” Clearly, they’re getting what they paid for.

Breitbart reports that other British museums have succumbed to cancel culture in recent years, removing exhibits. London’s Natural History Museum is currently purging “offensive” pieces, including some stuffed birds collected by Charles Darwin. Ms. Yeaman should be warned: if the Father of Evolution can be canceled, no one is safe from the woke mob, including herself.

Leaf a Message

You’ve been told all your life to eat your greens, but wait. Turns out those veggies may have something to tell you. According to the UK news site unilad, “Scientists Have Taught Spinach Plants to Send Emails.” Because we sorely needed a vegetable-human communication platform, apparently.

To facilitate spinach-sending emails, scientists use “plant nanobionics,” which combine botany with nanotechnology. Vegetation can thus relay information about groundwater to a smartphone or computer. Says lead scientist Michael Strano, “Plants are very good analytical chemists. They have an extensive root network in the soil, are constantly sampling groundwater, and have a way to self-power the transport of that water up into the leaves.” And thanks to science, they can email us all about it.

As this study germinated, researchers anticipated using spinach to detect explosives. But now they say the plants could “warn us about climate change and environmental issues.” (Clearly, someone is pining for perennial research grants.) Do we want environmentalist-wacko spam from the garden? No, we do not.

Amazonazi

Among the latest cancel-culture cancelations, Dr. Seuss, Mr. Potato Head, Pepe Le Pew, Dumbo, and so on, came the story: the new Amazon logo is Hitler. The bbc had the lowdown on Amazon’s shopping-app logo, launched in January. The design evoked an Amazon box with a blue strip of ripped tape hovering above the Amazon “smile” arrow. It’s a mustache, declared social media.

“Looks like a happy little cardboard Adolf Hitler to me,” said one Amazon customer. “When they ask where Amazon’s gone, I’ll tell them to look for the cardboard Hitler,” tweeted another. Amazon defended itself: “We designed the new icon to spark anticipation, excitement, and joy when customers start their shopping journey on their phone, just as they do when they see our boxes on their doorstep.” Still, the minute shoppers started making Third Reich comments, Amazon modified the logo to depict a folded piece of tape. No more blue mustache.

But by purging books the left doesn’t approve of, and refusing to host conservative platforms on its servers, Amazon could be said to be test-marketing totalitarianism. Maybe the fascist dictator logo was a Freudian slip.

Illustrations ©2021 Allison Smith for The Limbaugh Letter; Scots on the Rocks ©2021 Andy Buchanan/Getty Images; Full of Holes ©2021 RATOCA/VAN VAN/Shutterstock