The drive-by media has stopped driving by. They have fallen prostrate before the hapless Joe Biden, kissing everything from his penumbras to his emanations. I think we’re going to have to start calling them the Biden Tongue-Bath Media. Whenever Democrats are in power, the media attack dogs liquefy into lapdogs — but this is ridiculous.

On Immaculation Day, cnn’s David Chalian burbled, “Those lights that are just shooting out from the Lincoln Memorial along the reflecting pool, I looked, it’s like almost extensions of Joe Biden’s arms embracing America.” Teary msnbc contributor Eddie Glaude worshipped, “I’m reminded of the Psalmist, you know, ‘He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.’” Meanwhile, E! provided an important historical retrospective documenting “All the Times Joe Biden’s Love for Ice Cream Melted Our Hearts.”

No wonder there’s new seven-foot-high razor-wire fencing around the Capitol — it’s protecting the rest of the country from all the goo.

But it’s all been downhill from there. After over 50 Biden economy-killing Executive Orders, cnn cooed, “President Biden has expressed a preference for a fire built in the Oval Office fireplace, and sometimes adds a log himself to keep it going. Unlike his recent predecessors, he’s more of an early-to-bed type. Here’s how Biden is settling into his new job.” Newsweek did the heavy reportorial lifting: “How did Joe Biden relax during his first Presidents’ Day weekend as President? By playing Mario Kart with his family. During his weekend retreat at Camp David, Biden and his granddaughter Naomi played the racing video game, and … the Commander-in-Chief came out victorious.” Whew!

But Politico wins the rear-end-smooching prize with its gushing coverage of the “tactile” First Couple, “Bidens Bring Presidential pda Back to the White House: Historians and Relationship Experts Agree: The First Couple’s Romantic Gestures Aren’t Just Genuine — They’re Restorative.” Are you feeling restored? Need more hair-sniffing? Get this.

On a mission to rebuild institutional norms and help heal a hurting nation, Joe and Jill Biden are trying something novel after four years of the Trumps: a little tenderness. Since Inauguration Day … the first couple have been conspicuous in their frequent public displays of affection, from a fleeting kiss before boarding Marine One to a cozy morning stroll among oversized candy hearts on the White House North Lawn.

The media groveling gymnastics went into high gear when Biden ridiculously claimed during a cnn town hall that “we didn’t have the vaccine when we came into office.” Washington Post “fact checker” Glenn Kessler genuflected: “It was a verbal stumble, a typical Biden gaffe,” and anyone who says different “just looks silly.”

Yet Politico’s Carrie Budoff Brown insists the media will cover Biden “with the same sort of vigor, nonpartisan, factual basis of reporting that we, you know, have done with Trump and we will do with Biden.” Vigor? Only if you count vigorous bowing and scraping.

Illustration ©2021 Mark Herron for The Limbaugh Letter