Archive [November 1999]

“He’d be better than Ronald Reagan.” — BARBRA STREISAND, ON THE PROSPECT OF WARREN BEATTY AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, ON NBC’S “TODAY”

Ms. Streisand, you are an ignoramus.

“Some days I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, in a foul humor. And it has occurred to me really that every one of us has this little scale inside, you know. On one side there’s the light forces, and the other side there’s the dark forces in our psyche and our makeup and the way we look at the world. And every day we wake up and the scale is a little bit tilted one way or the other. And life is a big struggle to try to keep things in proper balance. You don’t want to have so much light that you’re just a fool for whatever comes along. But if the scale tips dark even a little bit, things turn badly for people and those with whom they come in contact. And it can happen for communities and for a whole country … Don’t you ever turn dark. Don’t do it.” — BILL CLINTON, IN SPEECH TO A GAY AND LESBIAN GROUP IN NEW YORK CITY, ABC NEWS AND THE WASHINGTON POST

Padded room time, folks.

“We’ve let the Republicans make money too. Why do you think Gov. Bush has so much money in his campaign treasury? I’ve been thinking about listing that as one of the seminal accomplishments of my economic policy, the George Bush campaign treasury.” — BILL CLINTON, AT A CALIFORNIA FUNDRAISER, REUTERS

Go ahead; you can even take credit for the coming Republican tsunami.

“I am a socialist at heart.” — TED TURNER, DURING TRIP TO CHINA WITH AMERICAN BUSINESS LEADERS, QUOTED IN INVESTOR’S BUSINESS DAILY

No kidding!

“I feel like the underdog. I am going to campaign like the underdog, and I think that’s the way to get elected.” — AL GORE, ON CNN’S “LARRY KING LIVE”

Good plan.

“I hate it when we have fights.” — BILL CLINTON, ON REPUBLICANS, BEFORE THE COMPREHENSIVE TEST BAN TREATY VOTE, UPI

So quit starting them.

“It’s something that some people urged on me four years ago because I could have done that. I decided it wasn’t fair and I didn’t do it. I didn’t think it was the right thing to do.” — BILL CLINTON, ON GOV. BUSH’S DECISION TO FORGO MATCHING FUNDS, QUOTED IN THE NEW YORK TIMES

Of course, you had the Chinese.

“The voters are going to decide who is elected and who is not.” — AL GORE, ON HIS POSITION IN THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE, ON CNN’S “LARRY KING LIVE”

It’s insights like this that have made you, as Bill Clinton says, the most effective Vice President in American history.

“I say, let ‘er rip!” — AL GORE, “GROWLING” TO SUPPORTERS AS HE DARED BILL BRADLEY TO ACCEPT HIS CHALLENGE OF BIWEEKLY DEBATES, QUOTED IN THE WASHINGTON POST

That’s going to scare the children, Mr. Vice President.

“No. 1 for pollution in the water, No. 1 for pollution in the air, and No. 1 in the nation for pollution in the ground.” — AL GORE, ON TEXAS, CLAIMING GEORGE W. BUSH “CAN’T BE TRUSTED TO PRESERVE THE ENVIRONMENT IF HE IS ELECTED PRESIDENT.” QUOTED IN USA TODAY

Haven’t we heard this somewhere already?

“These two, I think, both have thermonuclear intellects. This could put Lincoln and Douglas to shame.” — PAUL BEGALA, ON PROSPECT OF AL GORE AND BILL BRADLEY DEBATES, ON MSNBC’S “EQUAL TIME”

Hmmm. Don’t think I’ve ever seen a Clintonista use the word “shame” before.

“If we want to save the planet, we’ve got to elect Al Gore.” — ROBERT F. KENNEDY JR. CHIEF PROSECUTOR FOR RIVERKEEPER, AN ENVIRONMENTAL ORGANIZATION, ENDORSING AL GORE, FOX NEWS ONLINE

Zzzzzzzzz.

“I deserve an apology and so does Monica. It’s not right she be dragged down to the floor again.” — DR. BERNARD LEWINSKY, UPSET THAT ON NBC’s “LAW AND ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIM’S UNIT,” A CHARACTER DESCRIBED ORAL SEX AS “GETTING A LEWINSKY.” DR. LEWINSKY IS DEMANDING AN APOLOGY FROM NBC, ALONG WITH A PROMISE TO CEASE AND DESIST, QUOTED IN VARIETY

Why not? She earned her kneepads.

“My fellow Americans … The life of the patient — American democracy — is in mortal danger of expiring on the table.” — WARREN BEATTY, SPEECH AT THE BEVERLY HILTON, AMIDST MEDIA SPECULATION ABOUT WHETHER HE WOULD RUN FOR PRESIDENT, QUOTED IN DAILY VARIETY

Well, Algore is going to save the planet. You can save American democracy.

“So they’re all looking for somebody that’s invading the White House. I come tromping down the staircase to the third floor, this guy comes rushing up on the second floor, I look up and there he is with his weapon pointed at me, and I thought: this would be a heck of a note for the Secret Service. That poor — I think he still has nightmares about that.” — BILL CLINTON, CLAIMING ONE OF HIS SECRET SERVICE AGENTS MET HIM, GUN RAISED, ON THE STAIRS AT THE WHITE HOUSE EARLY IN HIS PRESIDENCY, AFTER THE ELECTRONIC ALARM SYSTEM TO DETECT INTRUDERS, WHICH CAN BE TRIGGERED BY “ANY LITTLE OLD THING,” ACCORDING TO CLINTON, WENT OFF, REUTERS

Does anyone alive believe this ever actually happened?

“They’ve had to put up with me on so many different occasions, under such stress … They have to put up with all of it and act like you’re still President, even when you’re not acting like it…” — BILL CLINTON, ON THE SECRET SERVICE, REUTERS

When are you acting like it?

“I’m very touched if somebody comes up to me and says, ‘Gosh, I wish you could run again.’” — BILL CLINTON, AT HOLLYWOOD FUNDRAISER, REUTERS

Agree – you’re very touched.

“He’s going to have to hold himself back because he knows the most important thing to secure his legacy is to make sure that Al Gore and Hillary Clinton get elected. The only way they can get elected is if they’re not too closely tied to him, so they’re going to have to chain him to the White House.” — GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS, ON BILL CLINTON, ON ABC’S “GOOD MORNING AMERICA”

What an image!

“AIDS has killed more people than all the wars of this century.” — MADELEINE ALBRIGHT, SECRETARY OF STATE, ON TOUR IN NAIROBI, KENYA, AP

Back page of the Liberal Handbook: When in need of a statistic, make it up.

“Stockpile Stewardess Program.” — SEN. EDWARD KENNEDY (D, MA), SEVERAL TIMES, IN FLOOR SPEECH DURING THE DEBATE OVER THE COMPREHENSIVE TEST BAN TREATY. KENNEDY APPARENTLY INTENDED TO EXPRESS SUPPORT FOR THE FEDERAL “STOCKPILE STEWARDSHIP PROGRAM,” QUOTED IN ROLL CALL

Don’t doubt for a minute that Senator Kennedy has stewardesses stockpiled somewhere.

“Finally this evening, part history and part myth. It was 50 years ago … that the People’s Republic of China came into being, Mao Tse-Tung its founding father. China’s going all out to celebrate the triumphs of the communist revolution and ignore its failures. And all the ceremony will also ignore the fact that China, today, is hardly a communist country.” — PETER JENNINGS, ABC NEWS

Well, that’s bound to disappoint Ted Turner.

“I’m reinventing manhood.” — LARRY KING, REVEALING THAT HIS WIFE IS EXPECTING THEIR SECOND CHILD, QUOTED IN USA TODAY

What would it do without you?

“I know the smart people. I really know the smart people. I deal with the smart people. I know the smartest people on Wall Street.” — DONALD TRUMP, TOUTING HIS PRESIDENTIAL PROSPECTS, ON CNN’S “LARRY KING LIVE”

You even know Larry King.