Archive [October 1999]

Well, Hillary and Bill Clinton have chosen their home, a beautiful white $1.7 million Georgian colonial in the beautiful burg of Chappaqua (an Indian word meaning: “doesn’t look like America”), New York. And good timing it was, too — Chappaqua’s lovely rolling hills are just the setting in which to hunt a New York Senate seat.

Since this is the first house the young couple has ever bought together — given that they have lived in government housing for their entire adult lives — the 5000-square-foot, five-bedroom, four-bath, three-story house might be a bit intimidating.

I can help. The most important advice I can give: watch your pennies! This is an old house, built in 1889. It has wood siding, which can really soak up paint … and a barn, which can be an attractive nuisance (if, for example, some passing ne’er do-well is looking for a roll in the hay). Please be careful that the place doesn’t turn into a money pit.

Sure, the $1.35 million personal loan — that’s loan, mind you, not gift — from Democratic fundraiser and multimillionaire extraordinaire, Terry McAuliffe, will help. But there are still $25,922 in annual property taxes to beg — I mean, save for.

And besides, McAuliffe is a key figure in an upcoming trial — reportedly linked to an alleged money-laundering scheme involving the Democratic National Committee, the Teamsters, the White House, and the ‘96 Clinton campaign. What will you do if McAuliffe is suddenly, shall we say, out of the loop? Please! Make a contingency plan!

Too many young home-buyers are unprepared — instead of owning the house, the house ends up owning them. They become haunted by the burdens of home maintenance. If you are careful, and check your pipes, you will make sure that won’t happen to you.

Illustration for The Limbaugh Letter by Jimmy Longacre