Archive [May 1999]

“Thank you very much for the condoms.” — HAKIMA HIMMICH, A MEMBER OF THE INTERNATIONAL AIDS SOCIETY, TO HILLARY CLINTON IN MOROCCO, ON MRS. CLINTON’S SUPPORT FOR A U.S.-BACKED CONDOM DISTRIBUTION PROGRAM.

A sentence never before uttered to a First Lady, I’ll bet.

“Could you describe for me what you believe to be the responsibilities of the husband of a United States Senator?” — DAN RATHER, TO BILL CLINTON, ON HIS WIFE’S POTENTIAL NEW YORK SENATE RUN, CBS

Do you really think this is the guy to ask about a husband’s responsibilities?

“I do not think a tax cut contributes to our economic well-being.” — ROBERT RUBIN, CLINTON TREASURY SECRETARY, CRITICIZING REPUBLICAN BUDGET PLANS, AP

Not yours, sir. America’s.

“You talk to any person who’s made a lot of money in America in the last six years and they’ll tell you that they’d a lot rather have a growing stock market and low interest rates than a tax cut.” — BILL CLINTON, ADDRESS TO LABOR UNION LEADERS AT AFSCME CONFERENCE, UPI

Most people who’ve made a lot of money — except those who’ve made it from Chi-Com contributions — will tell you that the best way to have a growing stock market and low interest rates is a tax cut.

“I am very careful in the words I use not to mislead one way or the other.” — BILL CLINTON, INTERVIEWED BY DAN RATHER, CBS

Here are some careful words, straight from a federal judge: “false, misleading and evasive answers … designed to obstruct the judicial process … misconduct that undermines the integrity of the judicial system.” And how about these careful words: “contempt of court.”

“There’s a very large issue, which emerged around the time of Gary Hart, that’s come to a boil at the end of the century, and that is whether the sexual puritanism of the Massachusetts Bay Colony can long survive with our technology’s effect on privacy, our speed of information, our advertising and our rising excitement about sexual matters. And the country seems to want to take the sacrificial lambs off the skewer before they’re cooked to death. If the unintended consequence of this sexual McCarthyism is that the baby boom generation insists on a more realistic evaluation of sex — let’s not call it sex, let’s call it ethics, truthfulness, human frailties — then the religious right may have made a mistake bringing this subject to the table.” — WARREN BEATTY, ACTOR, INTERVIEWED IN THE NATION

If you can figure this out, let me know.

“I do not regard this impeachment vote as some great badge of shame.” — BILL CLINTON, INTERVIEWED BY DAN RATHER, CBS

That is simply because you are a stranger to shame.

“I got zapped by Abraham Lincoln.” — BILL CLINTON, JOINT PRESS CONFERENCE WITH ZHU RONGJI, CHINESE PREMIER, WHO REFUSED TO RULE OUT THE USE OF FORCE WITH REGARD TO TAIWAN BY SAYING, “ABRAHAM LINCOLN, IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN THE UNITY OF THE UNITED STATES … RESORTED TO THE USE OF FORCE … SO, I THINK ABRAHAM LINCOLN, PRESIDENT, IS A MODEL.” QUOTED IN THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE

If only…

“I have $146 billion U.S. dollars of foreign exchange reserve, so I should have put out at least $10 billion U.S. dollars for that purpose, why just $300,000? That would be too foolish!” — ZHU RONGJI, ON REPORTS OF JOHNNY CHUNG’S FEDERAL GRAND JURY TESTIMONY THAT CHI-COM MILITARY INTELLIGENCE CHIEF GEN. JI SHENGDE GAVE HIM $300,000 FOR CLINTON’S RE-ELECTION, QUOTED IN THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE

How do we know you didn’t put out $10 billion — and we just haven’t found it yet?

“You know, China is a big country with a big government, and occasionally things happen in this government that I don’t know about.” — BILL CLINTON, AS ZHU DISMISSED CHARGES THAT HIS GOVERNMENT STOLE AMERICA’S NUCLEAR SECRETS AND ATTEMPTED TO CORRUPT THE AMERICAN POLITICAL SYSTEM, QUOTED IN THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE

Especially when someone’s got a subpoena.

“We act to protect thousands of innocent people in Kosovo from a mounting military offensive.” — BILL CLINTON, MARCH 24, QUOTED IN THE NATIONAL POST

Well, that worked.

“We never thought that through air power we could stop these killings on the ground.” — GEN. WESLEY CLARK, SUPREME ALLIED COMMANDER, MARCH 31, QUOTED IN THE NATIONAL POST

So, what exactly did we think?

“We knew that that would happen in the first few days. He [Milosevic] had planned this a long time.” — BILL CLINTON, MARCH 31, IN INTERVIEW WITH DAN RATHER, CBS

Longer than we planned it, apparently.

“It’s one thing to say we expected this, but living it is not the same as thinking about it.” — UNNAMED CLINTON ADVISOR, APRIL 1, ON KOSOVO, QUOTED IN THE NEW YORK TIMES

Duh.

“As we have said, the purpose of the policy and the military campaign going on now is to try to demilitarize this area, rather than to adding arms. And that continues to be our policy.” —JOE LOCKHART, WHITE HOUSE SPOKESMAN, APRIL 2, PRESS BRIEFING ON KOSOVO

Hell of a way to demilitarize the area.

“We didn’t exactly understand the scope and magnitude of the forced deportations and the other things going on in Kosovo.” — LLOYD AXWORTHY, CANADIAN FOREIGN MINISTER, APRIL 7, QUOTED IN THE NATIONAL POST

Clearly.

“We view it as a conflict. We’re not ready to call it a war.” — JOE LOCKHART WHITE HOUSE SPOKESMAN, APRIL 13, ON KOSOVO, UPI

Just let us know when you’re good and ready.

“It’s terrible that a NATO bomb went astray and civilians were killed accidentally. War sucks and accidents happen …” — GERALDO RIVERA, ON CNBC’s “UPFRONT TONIGHT”

Guess you didn’t get the White House fax — it’s not a war.

“We are trying to set a model for the world, and we’re not perfect, but we’re trying.” — BILL CLINTON, ON BOMBING YUGOSLAVIA, AT DEMOCRATIC FUNDRAISER, UPI

Oh, goody.

“He dropped his bomb in good faith.” — JAMIE SHEA, NATO SPOKESMAN, ON THE NATO PILOT WHO MISTAKENLY BOMBED A REFUGEE CONVOY IN KOSOVO, AP

Heaven forbid the bomb was dropped with bad intentions.

“I am particularly horrified by the use of propaganda and the manipulation of the truth and the revision of history.” — HILLARY CLINTON, ON SLOBODAN MILOSEVIC, AP

Sound like anyone else you know?

“We know we are up against … someone who recognizes no limits on his behavior except those imposed by others.” — BILL CLINTON, ON SLOBODAN MILOSEVIC, AP

A-hem.

Q: Anything new you can report to us as a follow-up to the discussions between Mr. Kasparov and the folks in Yugoslavia? A: Well, since I have a few moments … Kasparov is the world chess champion. Q: Oh, I said … I meant Primakov. — LARRY KING, TO RUSSIAN AMBASSADOR TO U.N. SERGEI LAVROV, ON CNN’s “LARRY KING LIVE”

Brilliant opening gambit.

“He taught me how to clean out hog waste with a shovel and a hoe. He taught me how to clear land with a double-bladed ax. He taught me how to plow a steep hillside with a team of mules. He taught me how to take up hay all day long in the hot sun.” — AL GORE, ON GROWING UP THE SON OF SENATOR AL GORE SR., QUOTED IN THE DES MOINES REGISTER

Think you need to go back and clean out some more of that hog waste.

“The right-wing has cut off the opportunities for women to get ahead by trying to kill affirmative action everywhere. And now they’re trying to cut off from us sleeping around to get ahead. You know, there have been some perfectly good big salaries, big titles that have come as a consequence of little liaisons like this. And now these right-wing nuts are going to slam that door, too.” — ANN RICHARDS, FORMER TEXAS GOVERNOR, REFERRING TO THE MONICA LEWINSKY SCANDAL, C-SPAN

Remember when the people who talked liked this were male chauvinist pigs?

“If we could get every public official in prison for a few months, the policy would change greatly.” — WEBSTER HUBBELL, FORMER CLINTON JUSTICE DEPARTMENT OFFICIAL AND EX-CON, AT A MEETING OF FAMILIES AGAINST MANDATORY MINIMUMS, AP

Well, we’ve made a start.