Archive [March 1999]

“This is a glandular thing, really … It wasn’t like he did something dumb or that he was venal about it, so much as he was just driven.” — HUGH DOWNS, ON THE CLINTON-LEWINSKY SCANDAL, ON CNN’S “LARRY KING LIVE”

No controlling glandular authority.

“He’s a goober, right. And he’s a lying goober at that, is what he is.” —TOM BROKAW, ABOUT PRESIDENT CLINTON, ON CBS’ “LATE SHOW”

Not that he has demeaned his office or anything.

“In some societies, people get their throats slit over this thing, but we don’t remove Presidents because of it.” — SEN. DANIEL PATRICK MOYNIHAN (D, NY), QUOTED IN THE NEW YORKER

Because of what? He did not have sexual relations with that woman. He did not ask anyone to lie, not a single time, never.

“You better put some ice on that.” — BILL CLINTON, ACCORDING TO JUANITA BROADDRICK, AFTER THE THEN-ATTORNEY GENERAL BIT HER LIPS, SHE SAYS, DURING A SEXUAL ASSAULT, QUOTED IN THE WALL STREET JOURNAL

Always feeling others’ pain.

“I’ve never made any bones about being a smut peddler, but I’m an honest, accurate smut peddler.” — LARRY FLYNT, QUOTED IN TIME MAGAZINE

Which is why, no doubt, the President has you on his team.

“If you’re only going to have ten rules, I don’t know if adultery should be one of them.” — TED TURNER, ON THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, QUOTED IN THE HOTLINE

A Moses for our times.

“I think the Constitution has been, in effect, re-ratified.” — BILL CLINTON, ON HIS ACQUITTAL ON IMPEACHMENT CHARGES IN THE SENATE, REUTERS

A Madison for our times.

“Believe me, if you’re performing a sex act on a man who’s talking on the phone on business, you do not have his heart.” — PATRICIA IRELAND, N.O.W. PRESIDENT, ON MONICA LEWINSKY, ON FNC’S “HANNITY & COLMES”

The new feminist credo?

“What little dignity Monica Lewinsky has left, we want to protect. We’re talking about salacious material, material that has no place on the Senate floor.” — SEN. TOM DASCHLE, ARGUING AGAINST AIRING LEWINSKY’S TESTIMONY, QUOTED IN THE PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER

Yeah, keep it in the Oval Office.

“He doesn’t belong in a position of trust … He should be out of there … unethical and irresponsible.” — SEN. BARBARA BOXER (D, CA) CALLING ON KENNETH STARR TO RESIGN, QUOTED IN THE SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE

You’d think he’d had oral sex in his public office and committed perjury and obstruction of justice.

“I’ll bury the hatchet right in him.” — JAMES CARVILLE, CALLING HIMSELF A “SHI’ITE CLINTONITE [WHO] JUST CAN’T FORGIVE AND FORGET,” WHEN ASKED IF HE’LL “BURY THE HATCHET” WITH KEN STARR, ON NBC’S “TODAY”

After all, this is waw.

“The Christian conservatives, like a parasite, have taken over the host Republican Party. And like any parasite, they will kill it.” — BILL MAHER, ON ABC’S “POLITICALLY INCORRECT”

Talk about hate speech…

“Ever seen a Polish mine detector?” —TED TURNER, AS HE TAPPED HIS FOOT IN FRONT OF HIM, WHEN ASKED WHAT HE WOULD SAY TO POPE JOHN PAUL II, AT THE NATIONAL FAMILY PLANNING AND REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH ASSOCIATION IN WASHINGTON, D.C QUOTED IN THE WASHINGTON TIMES

I thought it was time to end the politics of personal destruction.

“My only enemy is right-wing religious fundamentalism.” — BILL CLINTON, QUOTED BY GABRIEL GARCIA MARQUEZ, IN THE ONLINE MAGAZINE SALON

And the Communist Chinese are “partners.” Co figure.

“I do believe that even though Adolf Hitler preached a perverted form of Christianity, God did not want him to prevail.” — BILL CLINTON, AT THE ANNUAL NATIONAL PRAYER BREAKFAST, AP

Could that be a shot at those who do not “prevail”— say, the House Republicans?

“I don’t want to be a brown racist, substituting for white racism here. But don’t you think 13 guys, all of whom, you know, are not noted for any contribution to civil rights. I’m talking about the House managers. All of whom are born-again, all of whom are right-to-lifers, all of whom are you know, anti-immigration, pro-English-Only, etc., etc., don’t you think that when that face is presented, isn’t that one of the reasons the majority, the vast majority of the American people support the President? When they look at the people prosecuting, some say persecuting, him [they] say, Wait a second, those people wouldn’t even let me into their home or their neighborhood or to work alongside them?” — GERALDO RIVERA, ON CNBC’S “RIVERA LIVE”

Good thing you don’t want to substitute for white racism here.

“It’s highly likely that I will increasingly be known as the person who comes with Hillary to New York.” — BILL CLINTON, FUELING SPECULATION THAT HILLARY CLINTON MAY MAKE A SENATE BID, QUOTED IN THE NEW YORK POST

What makes you think she’d bring you?

“I don’t think she is that much of a sadist — I mean a masochist. That was a really bad slip.” — BETSEY WRIGHT, EX-CHIEF OF STAFF TO THEN-GOV. CLINTON AND INVENTOR OF THE PHRASE “BIMBO ERUPTIONS,” CALLING A HILLARY CLINTON NEW YORK SENATE RUN “A STUPID IDEA.” QUOTED IN THE NORTHWEST ARKANSAS TIMES

Not so bad.

“You know, my mother-in-law is living with us right now.’” — BILL CLINTON, QUOTED BY GERALDO RIVERA, ON CNBC’S “UPFRONT TONIGHT”

The new bimbo eruptions patrol?

“Nothing is going to happen that would be seen as unseemly.” — ANN LEWIS, WHITE HOUSE COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR, REASSURING THE PRESS THAT CLINTON WOULD NOT GLOAT AT AN ACQUITTAL VOTE, QUOTED IN THE BALTIMORE SUN

Too late, Ann. Lying under oath is unseemly. Obstructing justice is unseemly. Using Monica’s clothing as a Presidential DNA depository in the Oval Office is, to many of us, unseemly.

“The question is, does this rise to the level of ‘high Crimes and Misdemeanors’? I say yes — no doubt about it in my mind … In these remaining two years I can turn my back on this, I can close this little chapter … What he did was deplorable, inexcusable, a bad example. It undermined the system of justice when he gave false testimony under oath — he lied under oath! but — I can close that chapter … It will be very difficult to stand and say not guilty — very difficult. Who’s kidding whom here? I have to live with myself. I have to live with my conscience. And I have to live with the Constitution. And that Constitution is just like the Bible — you can’t write it over.” — SEN. ROBERT BYRD (D, WV), DAYS BEFORE HE VOTED “NOT GUILTY,” ON ABC’S “THIS WEEK”

Little chapter closed.

“I think we ought to be at least entitled to the benefit of the doubt based on the last six years.” — BILL CLINTON, ON HIS BUDGET CALCULATIONS, UPI

Not a chance.